Survive Your Breakup

Archive for June, 2009

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples considering divorce.But some couples attempt counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the issues are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even sometimes prevent a future divorce, and if the two of you have already parted can help you win wife back.

These days couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option.Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something very often done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is to bad because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your spouse go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing help, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.Try to make it clear that you want the counseling assistance for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.Explain that you believe you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.Don’t blame the other person of needing counseling.Even if you believe that they are the biggest part of the problem, don’t say so.Then when you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 90 days, 3 years or two decades.It’s never too late to try seeking help to resolve problems.And it’s never too late to do what you can to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is challenged by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.But facing any hurddles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.  Many men have also claimed that agreeing to counseling helped them to win back ex wife!

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, in as calm a manner as possible explain that that isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If the love of your life refuses, go on your own.While seeking professional help would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your husband or wife sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try. Don’t wait to take action to make ex want you back.

Nanette Geiger, Law of Attraction RelationshipBest Selling Author, writes… …

For many dating is a scary game. In the first installment of Dating Consciously, the dating advice I shared was I asked … “What if I could show you how to clarify your objectives before you get disillusioned by the dating scene”? I also said that “Your thoughts create your reality and if that’s so, wouldn’t you like to know what’s really behind those pesky thoughts that keep you going through dates like the proverbial ‘revolving door’?”

In Part Two, I’ll go more deeply into the aspects of playing where everyone wins. Play with Passion and Purpose. Dating is a game you can re-write the rules at any time. To play the Dating Consciously game, you need to know that:

1. You are playing a game

2. You willingly remember that it’s going to be fun (because you created it as a game for that purpose), and

3. There are only winners

Remeber when you played tag or hide and seek? You could play for hours and hours. Simple, and sheer innocence. Try to access that innocence just for a moment right now.

Where did it go? In the previous paragraph notice how quickly it returned – if just for a moment – but it did return! You create that kind of ease and joy by simply remember it into being. You pretend it into existence, you play it into reality for the sake of playing. And guess what? Your energy shifts so quickly to that light and high vibration, that unless you negate it with old patterns, you become very attractive. You become a magnet to your desires.

The 2 Biggest Stoppers to Dating Consciously

1. Fear of failure/rejection

2. Fear of looking bad/not enough

1. The fear of failure is very human Try on innocence and play full out. Just try it and see how different it feels. Nobody is out to take something from you that you’re not willing to give.] Certainly, there may be different expectations from your date. There’s nothing wrong with that. Simply and clear communication can handle that. Believe me, you’re going to have different expections and points of compatibility. If you didn’t, you’d get awfully bored of that person in a very short period of time. If you decide that you only wanted one play date, so be it. There’s no inherent rejection involved. It’s just a choice on how you or he/she prefers to spend their time. It’s just a choice not a rejection.

2. Do you have a case of the not-enoughers?

You feel that you’re just not good enough on some level. Consider that at the core, everyone has that ancient internal conversation, too. Most everyone at times feels low in self-confidence. You’re not alone here.

Do your best to remain present and on your purpose is to have fun. Think of it as an exploration. “What’s something new can I learn about myself or my date?” Now you’ve just paved an energetic pathway for your date.

Playing a game is a very differnt approach to dating. Play with self-expression with the focus on having fun. Purpose means deliberating intending what you’re up to. The bottom line is HAVE FUN.

The high energy of fun is attractive and magnetic. Let go. You’ll become a magnet for fun people and if you keep practicing that, eventually you’ll attract the perfect fun mate.

You can learn these tools and more with Relationship Coaching. Dating, like life, if approached as a fun game where there are no losers goes much more smoothly for everyone.

When I went through a particularly hard breakup I never thought in a million years I’d manage to get my wife back. How little I knew.

I was so cut up over the split I didn’t have a clue what to do. I needed to get over her fast and did a lot of research for info and articles but what I accidentally found was info on how to get her back.

To be honest I’m probably the worlds biggest sceptic. I was willing to put money on it being a crock of….well, you get the picture. To cut a long story short a thought I’d waste forty bucks on it.

It came with a few extras and one of them was a report on how psychology works in our lives. It explained how with subtle hints you can almost mind control people.

This part of the package spoke out loud to me. I recognised these methods straight away. Psychological triggers I had used on my children to get them to do things they didn’t want to.

We use reverse psychology an awful lot without even knowing. Imaging trying to get a reluctant friend to go to the gym.

They aren’t very keen on the idea so you hit them with the old “it’s ok if you aren’t physically up to it” line. They come straight back with a proud “of course I am, when do we start”.

That’s psychology in action there. You used their own sense of pride against them. The same type of subtle methods can be used to woo your ex round.

I pulled my self together mentally and called my ex and left her a subtle message. I put in a hook that my ex would be curious about. Curiosity is a huge factor in our lives. Tie it with a bit of psychology and bam! Super powers!

My ex wife called me back within 24 hours and she actually believed it was her that got back in contact. She called to ask how I was doing. Of course it was me that had planned this with the message I left the previous day.

The day I left her the message I didn’t ask her to get back to me, but I was pretty confident she would. And I was right on that point.

After she called it was easy going to get back together. I wasn’t going to let her in on the secret that it was me who’d made that first move. I let her think it was her.

There’s me starting out with a view to getting over her. A complete reversal had me looking to get my ex back. And it worked pretty good for me.

If it hadn’t worked, as I expected it not to, I’d have taken the writer up on the guarantee and gone and watched a game!

Are you worried that the person you love is having an affair? A cheating significant other can show a number of signs, ranging from sneaky behavior to leaving phone numbers sitting around.

If you have seen what’s in the wallet or pants of your partner and have found an unfamiliar phone number in there you will probably wonder who the number belongs to. It can be difficult to determine who owns the phone number unless you use a reverse phone number lookup service.

Finding a phone number in your spouse’s shirts or wallet can be a difficult experience. After all, nobody wants to think that his or her spouse is being unfaithful. Nonetheless, you deserve to know the truth. But, what can you do with just a telephone number? You cannot just call the person and ask if that person is having an affair with your spouse other, right? Of course not!

The fact is that dialing the telephone number will just complicate the problem further. First, if your spouse is cheating on you, calling the person your spouse is having an affair with will give them both a heads up so they can create some sort of excuse. In addition, if your significant other is not having an affair, calling the number can cause some stress in your relationship because of your apparent lack of trust.

You might end up contacting a business associate of some other person that could cause problems or embarrassment to your partner. What can you do? The solution is simple. Use a reverse phone lookup service.

The concept behind a reverse phone lookup is quite of a reverse phone lookup, all that is required is a phone number. Armed with this bit of information, you can look up the name of the person linked to the phone number and you might even be able to get that individual’s address.

After doing the simple research and learning who is linked to the phone number you will be better prepared to decide if you partner is having an affair. If you recognize the name and realize it is someone you know or that your husband works with, you will be able to ease your mind. However, if you don’t recognize the name, you may want to do some further investigation.

If you do a quick search on the Internet, you will discover that there are numerous services that offer free reverse cell phone lookup services. While you might be able to find a few numbers with these services, you will be severely limited in terms of the numbers you can research.

This is especially true in regards to looking up mobile numbers which aren’t included in the free reverse phone lookup services. If you want to have access to all phone numbers it is best to go ahead and register with the reverse phone lookup service. There is usually a small fee for the service, but you will have the ability to lookup numbers anytime you need to.

Nobody wants to be faced with possibility of infidelity in their relationship, but it makes sense to keep yourself safe and have some options. If you use a reverse phone lookup service you will be prepared for anything.

Shock and denial This may be a combination of how dare they? And oh no!They did not. Whatever form this stage takes it can feel as though someone has dumped a bucket of ice cold water over your head. Denial can give the urge to engage in self-destructive activities or constant rounds of hang up calls to his or her voice mail. Avoid this like the plague. Instead don’t call your ex, don’t text, and don’t email. Anger This is perfectly normal and acceptable to feel after the end of a relationship. You may invest in voodoo dolls, think devilishly devious thoughts about her, call up your best friend and spend hours talking about all the things he or she did wrong, or simply rip up and burn all your photographs. Either way anger is healthy to a certain degree but avoid extreme or threatening behavior. Depression This is the best known of all stages of a breakup and one that can be the most critical if you allow it to be. While it is natural to be depressed if you are having thoughts of harming yourself during this time be sure to get help immediately. Things you can do to avoid letting things get too low is plan outings with friends, avoid spending time alone, start taking classes, or join a hobby group. Do anything to fill your hours and keep you from spending hours home alone thinking about your ex. Acceptance The final and best of the stages of a breakup is often referred to as acceptance. This is when you reach the point that you can view your relationship objectively and realize that there was no one person that was all good or bad in the relationship. This is the time when you can look back on the happy memories and be glad you had the opportunity to love and be loved by this person. Perhaps this is the time when you decide that you were not all that bad together and you would like one more chance. Should you get back together with an ex? Or ever uttered these words? “I think we should get back together.” That is definitely the broken heart syndrome.

Nowadays it is quite common for families to be broken apart by a divorce. Figures show that the divorce rate is very high and still hiking. The last thing one wants to do in a divorce it point fingers, try to shift the blame and get into raucous fights about whose fault it is.

A divorce is an unsavory even for the whole family and the last thing you want to do is put the rest of your family through more trauma than they are already going through. This is where a divorce law attorney can save you a lot of grief. No matter what your situation a divorce law attorney can make your ordeal and the rest of your life easier than it would be if you tried to handle things all by yourself.

A divorce law attorney has the experience and knows the law surrounding a divorce case inside and out. They can help you to the best of their ability but also to the best benefit you can get from the situation. Any divorce law attorney who is his salt worth will stick by your side throughout your battle and strive to make things easier and better for you.

Divorce Your Divorce Hassles With A Divorce Law Attorney !

If not taken care of in the right way the divorce can be a really untidy business it can drag out for months or even years. A divorce law attorney can make the process of getting divorced run more smoothly and get over and done with more quickly. This saves you money, time and emotional turmoil. Your attorney offers you not only legal advice on how best to go about things and what decisions to make that will be in your best interest but also offers a sense of moral support.

Your divorce law attorney offers you that support by being there for you during your court case, like a friend in dark times. If you have children at the time of your divorce it is crucial that you know all the rules and regulations surrounding custody of your kids. A divorce law attorney has knowledge of divorce custody law and will be able to advise you of your rights as a mother or a father. They will be able to help you fight for care of your children or at least your right to tribulation of child support.

Divorce is the legal breakup of a marriage. For ending a marriage the several rules and judicial proceeding are mentioned under divorce law. Most of the states in the U.S. have dissimilar laws with respect to divorce. Some variables in these laws are residency needs or causes for the divorce.

Types of Divorce Law

There are different kinds of divorce laws, like fault based, no-fault based, summary, uncontested, collaborative, and mediated. Mostly any situation that ends in a couple wanting a divorce will come under any of these categories.

A fault based divorce law utilized to be the only way to end a marriage. If one member of the couple illustrated as “at fault then only the divorce is given in this case.” If neither member can be proved to be at fault, the divorce is not allowed, forbidding the couple from lawfully remarrying. When these cases do win, taking a person as at fault can impact the dispersion of belongings in the settlement.

With a no-fault divorce law, the end does not need validation of fault to be shown. Causes for this kind of divorce include inconsistency, irreconcilable disputes, or irremediable break up of the marriage. With the help of a court system, a non- inducting spouse may be divorced in apposition with his or her will in this case.

A summary, or simple, divorce is utilized in special cases when the couple meets some qualification needs. These key elements are a short marriage of less than 5 years, no kids, minimum property, and married and individual properties are below a certain threshold.

The most usual kind of divorce in the U.S. is a non disputed divorce. The two parties are able to arrive to an acceptance with respect to property, children, and other back up issues in this manner. When the couple can give the case to the courts with a clean and evenhanded agreement, approving of the divorce is much vouched. If an agreement is not achieved, the court may be asked to break the marital property.

Collaborative divorce is a procedure in which divorcing couples use to arrive to an understanding on divorce problems. In this case, the couple talks terms and agreed answer with the assist of a divorce law firm which has a lawyer coached in the collaborative divorce procedure. Each party is able to take his or her own determinations based on requirements and concerns, but with full info and profession support. Many lawyers claim that the collaborative law can be less costly than other procedures, however, if an understanding is not arrived, any info utilized during the procedure cannot be utilized in later proceedings.

divorce laws

Separation and divorce due to infidelity is one of the top reasons why people seek out a family lawyer. The other spouse cheated and it has wrecked the marriage. But it does more than just violate wedding vows. It can completely shake the bedrock of trust. The betrayed party will always wonder what it was that the other spouse was missing from their marriage. It can make an already difficult situation even worse. It is hard to get over and move past. Divorce attorneys see cheating as the number one reason why two people want to be rid of their marriage ties.

It is easy to think of infidelity as being physically intimate with someone other than a spouse. But there are other ways to cheat as well. A person can be involved emotionally with someone other than their spouse. The two may never touch each other physically but it can still be devastating on the faithful wife or husband. No matter what type of infidelities have occurred, all parties are hurt in the end and this can be reflected in the divorce settlement.

Divorce court is not a great place to have to air dirty laundry about infidelities. Most judges do not look favorably on a cheating spouse. In some states it is grounds enough to be granted alimony. There are very few cases of uncontested divorces where a partner has been cheating. Most are very bitter affairs that often require the services of a divorce mediation professional in order to come to a peaceful agreement.

If your partner has cheated on you but you are not quite ready to call it quits, then you can still find marriage help. It will take a lot of work to get the marriage back on track but it can happen. It requires counseling to uncover the reasons why one spouse strayed from the marriage bed. There will be a lot of hurt feelings that have to be overcome and it is entirely possible that you can never let the incident(s) go and that divorce will happen regardless of your efforts to save the marriage.

Infidelity is a devastating thing when it happens. You always wonder if it was something you did to drive your partner into the arms of a lover. There is always that doubt about whether or not your husband or wife ever truly loved you. If they did, then why did they betray you? The divorce laws may be on your side if and when you decide that you cannot live with a cheating partner but it does not make the emotional wounds any easier to deal with.

Nanette Geiger, Law of Attraction Relationship Specialist, writes… …

Are you tired of wading through one date after another to find Mr. or Ms. Right? Are you ready to get back into the dating after your divorce? Then you’re probably not dating just for the fun of it. In other words, it’s not a sport or a hobby for you. Most likely you’re looking for interesting conversation with another compatible person. Someone with whom you can share good conversation, fun activities and match up on a number of similar interests.

Whether you’ve just ended a long term relationship, are seeking your soulmate, or are tired of browsing the on-line dating sites, it’s time you consider dating consciously.

Would you like to get clear about what you want and then zero in on attracting fun dating companions?

Your thoughts create your reality – so wouldn’t you like to know what’s really behind those pesky thoughts that keep you going through dates like the proverbial ‘revolving door’?

You can make a fun game of it and I’ll show you how — to find a really fun and loving relationship.

Is your curiosity peaked?

Of course it does!

I’ve encapsulated my tried and true Law of Attraction approach of winning the dating game. It’s called Dating Consciously. Just for the fun of it I’ve designed a 3 Part Series on Dating Consciously designed to get you moving in the higher vibration of getting what you really want, whether that’s attracting your soul mate or just having fun dating.

In the first of this Dating Consciously Series I’d like to address “The Game” portion of The Dating Game. Dating is a GAME!

First, let’s define the word GAME…

1. Game:An amusement or pastime.

2. Game: An activity where you compete it involves endurance or skill on the part of two or more persons who play according to a set of rules, for your own interest or for the interest of observers.

The second definition sums up the way most of us feel about dating.

But, if it’s not fun, why do it?

For many, the second definition kills the joy and has you sitting on the sofa Saturday nights. Those elements are:

Competitive activity, Skill, Chance, Endurance and Rules. These are definite fun-busters!

Curiously enough, these are precisely what you want to stay away from when dating.

FIVE Things To DO When Dating

1. Play. Simple as it may seem, most people don’t think of dating as play. You played all day long when you were a kid. How sublime was that? No place to go, nothing to prove. Just pure fun! If your date is the somber type, make it your priority to have fun. Make it your game to find fun. You don’t have to see them again if they aren’t playful.

2. Laugh. A cousin of play, laughter is very contagious. Before going on any date, especially a first date, remind yourself that you will consciously look for reasons to feel good and laugh. Smile a lot. At the waitress or waiter, at the host. Just smile for no reason.

3. Listen. This is such an important way to connect with your date. Deep listening is when you shut off the voices in your head and tune in to what the person across the table is saying. Granted, your critical voice may be wanting to sound off for a variety of reasons. She’s got a nervous giggle. He makes noise when he eats. Things like that can be distractions. Just notice yourself being distracted and bring yourself back. Don’t worry, you never have to go on a second date. This is an important practice, however, and it is an intimacy builder. Adopt this quality in your long term relationships by practicing now. By the way, you don’t have to use listening just in the dating world

4. Eye Contact. Don’t just make eye contact and nod your head. Practice deep listening while making eye contact. This is a wonderful display of your own generosity. And I can promise you, your generosity will come back to you.

5. Communicate. When it’s your time to talk, be clear and be heard. As you have given your attention to your date, expect the same. You haven’t interrupted him or her while he or she has been talking. If an interruption occurs, ask for the same manners. You can be polite and kind about this without turning it into a problem. Ask for what you want and chances are, you’ll get it. Feeling confident in your request takes alot of pressure off your date. You leave them firmly knowing what you prefer.

It doesn’t matter if your 25 or 75, dating – just like life – if approached as a fun game, where there are no losers, goes much more smoothly for everyone.

Initially, you have to know what you are NOT supposed to do: • Don’t beg – However much you feel like crushed down pulp inside, you have to project poise and strength. Pleading will make you very unappealing and very hard to answer to. How do you expect your ex to answer or return your calls when this is what you are saying to them: “Oh honey please! Please answer your phone or call me back. I’ve been calling you for 3 days now. I’m so concerned.” Get my point? • Don’t create a phony emergency – This might get you a number of results but trust me, it’s not the results you want to get. Don’t go all serious on the phone and fake an emergency like “I just found out I had cancer yesterday” or “Honey! Our dog just broke his leg. Can you meet me at the vet?” Your ex is not going to like it when they learn the truth. • Don’t Spam – Miss calling or sending SMS every 10 seconds is not going to perk up the situation. You’ll be labeled a frantic creep in no time. What you SHOULD be doing as a substitute: Interest and curiosity. Just like restarting a dead fire, you want to flicker the curiosity back up again and you do this by generating a quantity of curiosity. A simple effective way to do this over the answering machine / SMS / IM is by using this script: “Hi Brad. It’s me, Joliet. I just wanted to let you know that I am grateful for what you did for me. Call me sometime.” Do you see how inquisitiveness comes into play there? The message is informal and does not project extreme anxiety yet it is very fascinating. Brad must be wondering what it is that he did for Joliet. Joliet will be continually in his thoughts until he can’t resist the urge to find out by calling her. Ever wondered how “to heal my broken heart”? Heal from a broken heart by taking necessary steps. Your broken heart will heal if you just stop thinking about your ex and move on. There are many things to do to achieve this.