Survive Your Breakup

Archive for July, 2009

As my life experiences have taught me, selecting to fix a broken heart means, taking time to realize what determinations you must make to allow healing to occur. Various years prior to meeting my husband, in the aftermath of another broken relationship I couldn’t help but notice how similar this break up happened my previous relationships. I had to ask myself: “Why do things like this always happen to me?” As I sputtered to come to terms with things, I had to face facts: the one common factor in each situation was me. I was a key contributing factor to the turmoil and eventual demise of all my relationships to-date. In retrospect, I believe it wasn’t until I learned how to mend a broken heart that I was finally able to heal. I steadfastly believe – if it wasn’t for the time I took to learn how to start healing – I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my loving 10-year marriage today. THE FIRST INSIGHT I HAVE FOR THOSE TRYING TO MEND A BROKEN HEART IS THIS – Whether you’re trying to move on or get your ex back, healing is a first step. You see, healing isn’t a passive occurrence. Getting over a breakup takes a commitment on your part to work through the healing process. The following are just a few quick points to help you set out healing: Pain brings with it an opportunity to examine an area of your life that needs some attention. Heartbreak appears repeatedly in your relationships – until you acknowledge and examine the issues underlying them. You see pain brings with it a life lesson you need to learn. Tip #1 to start the healing process is being prepared to solve the issues underlying your hurt and learning the lessons that come with this experience broken heart will eventually mend, each broken heart will eventually mend- Whatever information you want to look for, you can absolutely get it online.

When she left, you were absolutely devastated. It may not be your fault, but, deep down, you feel that you should have behaved better. Maybe it wasn’t anything that you did, but maybe you feel that there was something that you could have done.

Is your life just like this now and does it seem to you to be hopelessly bleak?

Are you interested in finding out about a method of getting your ex girlfriend back?

What are you prepared to do to get back together with your girlfriend? Are you really prepared to make the effort?

You have to believe with your whole heart that you and your girlfriend are fated to be together. And you have to be prepared to study and plan how to do it. It is not going to happen just by chance. Learning how to get her back is not necessarily hard, but it will take some thinking about and some planning if you really do want to get the results you seek.

The following five points are an essential beginning to your plan.

1. You are trying to restart your relationship, so the following step does seem to go against the grain: you must cut off all contact for a while. This is going to be very hard indeed, and it may even feel as if it is killing you, but it will be killing her even more. After a little bit of time she will begin to realize how much she really needs you, and how much she desperately misses you. Breaking off contact is one of the best steps that you can take in getting back together with your ex.
2. You are going to need time to get your emotions under control. As part of your plan to get back your ex you will have to allow yourself the space for emotional recovery. Women dislike me who are desperate, clingy or needy, so pull your life together and get over those feelings long before you consider trying to draw her back in to your life.
3. Try flirting with new friends; it doesn’t have to be serious. In fact, the more lighthearted it is the more enjoyable you will find it. This is another step that may seem counterintuitive in nature, but it is extremely useful if you are trying to learn how to get her back. A warm conversation between you and another girl will cause your ex to consider you in a new light. A lighthearted conversation wth a new girl will make you feel better. It will also make your former girlfriend think that you are over her and moving on with your life: she certainlywon’t like this particularly when she realises how much wants to be with you.
4. Act in a nonchalant manner. In other words, if you want to learn how to get your ex girlfriend back, you need to play it cool. If you are in a state of depression, and letting the world know about it, then she is not ever going to get back with you. Act like you are enjoying yourself, and pretty soon you will be enjoying yourself.
5. Try always to look your very best. Please ensure that you are dressed to kill and look your best all the time.Your lost love will find this smart appearance irresistable. Appearance can play a large part in showing your ex that you’re moving on and look great. If you look terrific and have taken the time to look your best, your ex will notice, and will respond positively.

These are just the beginning steps in the plan to get your girlfriend back. These are the first steps that I took when my girlfriend walked out on me. It would be nice if I could take personal credit for these ideas but I have to tell you that they are not mine. I turned to T ‘Dub’ Jackson when I had didn’t know of how to get my true love back.

T ‘Dub’ authored a basic, down to earth step by step plan called “The Magic Of Making Up”.

If you want to get your girlfriend back, then click here The Magic Of Making Up

When I read it, it was like a light going off in my head. It is called “The Magic of Making Up”. And guess what, it worked like magic for us. Now we are back in love like we used to be.

When you’re dealing with the prospect of divorce, and you don’t want it to happen, you will probably be searching for a way to stop divorce before it becomes final. This may mean convincing your spouse to give the relationship another chance. Of course, this is not always possible. You need a plan. You should be ready to work hard and use some creativity to explain what is valuable about the relationship that is worth saving. While you can stop a divorce at any stage before its completion, the earlier you do so the more likely your marriage may be preserved for the near future.

If you want to have a good plan to stop divorce, you should know what you’ve tried so far that hasn’t worked. Take a short time to think through this. For instance, if you’ve been begging and pleading for the other person to stop the divorce process, then quit it! The more pressure you put on your husband or wife the more hesitant they will become to the idea of preserving the marriage. This is a bad approach all around.

By begging or whining, you are not giving your spouse any motivation to consider the marriage worth saving. Such childish reactions only serve to make you look foolish and they demean both of you. While like a child, you may get the other person to delay or grant your request to stop whining, you haven’t changed one thing. Rather than getting them to consider whether your marriage is salvageable, you have them trying to keep you quiet. If want to stop divorce, you need to take a different tactic. You’re an adult and you should deal with this adult situation appropriately. This may help point you to marriage counseling as an option.

If you go to your spouse suggesting marital counseling as a option before divorce, you show maturity. Plus, by doing this, you ensure that you have more time to find a solution that might save your marriage. Counseling is place where you may express your desire for another chance to make it better, that you don’t want the divorce to happen, in a calm manner so you do not make your spouse resistant or defensive. You will have a greater chance to stop divorce this way.

If your spouse makes the decision to take counseling with you, it will be your task to prove that you are committed to seeing it through and you’re ready to hear their concerns and viewpoints on the relationship. Perhaps, the most important thing you should tell them is that you are ready to address the issues. Counseling is not the place to voice your partner’s weaknesses or illustrate the times they’ve offended you.

If your aim is to stop divorce, then make sure your spouse leaves the counseling session feeling good about themselves and believing that they were really heard and appreciated. Bear in mind that if they leave feeling bad or defensive, then you may have lost the chance to work through your marital problems, because they may not be back next time.

If your spouse decides to postpone divorce, you may believe that you have accomplished the goal. It would be a mistake to stop. You should continue counseling to work through all of your problems so you can begin rebuilding your broken relationship so that it’s better than before. If you can, stop divorce before it gets a grip on your marriage.

Many couples who are married but considering divorce wind up staying together for the sake of their children. Splitting up is likely to have a negative impact on children, but many warring couples ignore the possible impact on the children that staying together might have. A more suitable solution would be an amicable split.

Many believe happiness and love are essential for a growing child to become an adapted adult. While that is surely a big generalization it does have some truth to it. No child is going to like coming home from school each day to parents that can barely stand the sight of each other.

While many parents think they can keep their marital problems away from the children it is a facade. It cannot be done. A child experiences outer appearance of love well. Actions are more important than words when parents interact with each other. How is a child to learn love if it is not present in the childhood home? Will they grow into adults who think it is normal for parents not to talk to each other in the family home? Will they think that you don’t need to work on marriage with a partner?

The relationship between the parents gets worse rather than better if parents wanted to stay together for the sake of children, rather than for the sake of love. When they do finally decide to divorce then they are so far gone that there is no chance of an amicable split. This compounds the damage.

Some of the problems of a messy divorce are the arguments over the property settlement, custody battles, child support payments, arguments about who takes the children on a given day, where do the children go to school, what friends to they have, how are they expected to relate to the parent’s new lovers and step parents? Some will actively try to get the children to take sides.

An amicable separation is the best choice for parents who can’t or won’t resolve their differences and fall in love again. Supporting one another, working through disagreements, helping each other with the children, and supporting one another. Parents being able to speak to their children in a mature way about each other and what went wrong in the parent’s relationship. In that way the children will be able to learn from their parent’s mistakes.

If you want more information, you can learn about my experience as an experienced divorce lawyer in Austin. You can also request our Austin TX Divorce Guide CD at www.TruslerLegal.com. There is an alternative to the traditional divorce process. Learn how a Austin Texas collaborative attorney can help you through family disputes with dignity.

I have witnessed, both within my own family, in the outside world and in my practice, what can happen in a relationship if there is no common bond that can actually bind a couple together.

Well, let me digress (or maybe, progress) and say a bit about getting together as a couple in the first place: even if there is a strong attraction, be it physical, mental or emotional: Love; That does not seem to be enough to keep a couple together; the body will wither, the mind will change and the emotions will flutter. And love may turn into a dependency or habit. Unless, there is a third entity; the glue that binds the one to the other; the bond that binds, a mutual goal and lifetime commitment to it. The “it” needs to be greater that both of you, a driving force that can take both of you, like a boat down the river, or an ark during a flood (and floods there will be) …

In my opinion, there are two good bonds; children and Religion or a Spiritual Practice (to be more politically correct, or any other proven external disciplinary way of life that both parties agreed to commit to whole-heartedly, abide by, follow and emulate; the goal). Even if both of these are present, there are no guarantees, but the chances are greatly improved.

Without these, there is no common bond; it’s just two people living separate lives together: convenient for a nice meal, some ambience, safe sex, and the occasional meaningful conversation …

So, the intent or lifetime goal of both parties must be the same. Otherwise, both sides will be resentful, because, in any situation, for any important decision, no compromise can satisfy both of the parties, because their primary motivating goals are different; or they have no primary motivating goals and “just don’t feel like it” at the time. And so there is no improvement in the situation and resentments, anger, etc. build; and there is no possibility for a long-term relationship.

A tendency towards negativity, insecurity and fear/anxiety may sometimes seem to obscure love. But this is who the person is at the moment; and they are perfect the way they are.

Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards not wanting to be so depended upon by the other, for their happiness, security and emotional wellbeing. But this is who that person is at the moment; and perfect the way they are.

Much of this may stem from residual family entanglements. Some behaviors may come from family control issues. Some behaviors may come from family insecurity issues.

There are a few key issues that need to be kept in mind: Trust! Honesty! One must trust the other, as the right hand trusts the left. And one must be honest and trustworthy, inside the relationship and in the world at large as well; trusting yourself, being honest with yourself and trusting your partner and being honest with your partner, and being trustworthy and honest in all your dealings in the world. In other words, your thoughts, speech and actions should always be in line with a clear conscience.

There are times when you will feel rejected or abandoned, based on your perception of the situation. There is usually no reason to feel this way; from the other’s standpoint, it’s not about you, it may be about their family control issues.

At times you may feel that you would appear weak if you give in to the desires of the other. There is no reason to feel weak by giving in: remember the bond that binds; you can show your compassion and accommodation of what may be the other’s family insecurity issues.

Besides the above mentioned, or perhaps, because of the above mentioned, there may be a lack of real compassion and empathy on the part of both parties for each other. To see the world from the other persons heart and to trust the other person, that they are doing the best they can. To see them as perfect, the way they are. (Don’t get me wrong: there is always room for improvement.) To realize the person is always more important than any ideology or material object or goal; the relationship comes first.

Perhaps ask; what’s the worst thing that can happen if the worst thing happens. In most cases, upon sober reflection, the answer is; nothing very devastating. Again, the third entity, the bond that binds, the trust in that everything that happens is only good.

There is a need for genuine compassion and complete acceptance of the other as perfect as they are; acknowledgement and acceptance of each others needs and idiosyncrasies and the commitment and willingness to live with them as they are, for as long as they are that way. And this, as has been proven throught the ages, and continues to be valid, cannot be accomplished without the “third party”, which is the bond that binds one love to the other.

The other person; their feelings, hopes, dreams, goals must be your own as well: you are one; heads and tails of the same coin. One spirit, one soul, split off into two bodies.

It says, “All beginnings are difficult”. And while this may be so, heading in the right direction, with the right foot, for the right reasons, towards the right goal, will ensure that the trip will be worthwhile and pleasant for you and for all of those who love you …

Abraham Bruck is the developer of the Universal Healing Technique and the UHT Lifetime Trauma Resolution Protocol.

Hollywood can sometimes teach us something. In Hollywood movies, romance always seems to go through difficult phases. It doesn’t seem to happen that two people fall in love and live happily ever after. No one would stay interested. All enjoyable movies include complications. A breakup is often one of those complications. Life is like that too. Often a relationship doesn’t succeed when you first try. It might not have been the right time. Your job might keep you apart. Someone else may be involved. It doesn’t really matter, the point is that sometimes you want to re-establish a relationship with your ex, and the following are three of the secrets you should know in order to win back your ex.

Make sure you keep the lines of communication open with your ex.

If you’re no longer talking, get those communication channels open as soon as possible. When a relationship comes to an end, there’s often a time of chilliness between the couple. You must get over that and back to being comfortable with each other, as quickly as possible. The easiest way to do this is often by asking mutual friends for help. Once you get back to the point where you can communicate easily, the whole process becomes much easier.

To get the talk flowing, do not talk about the past or your breakup at first. That will put unnecessary pressure on you at this time. There will be a time when those things can be discussed, but first get comfortable with each other again.

Raise the subject.

At some point, you will need to test the waters and see if there is a chance of winning back your ex. Light flirting will give help you receive signals from your ex. If he or she seems open to it, then go ahead.

This is very scary, but you have to know whether there really is a chance. There are many ex-couples who spend at lot of time with each other, both wanting to get back together but not saying anything. Why? Because no one is prepared to take the plunge and ask if there’s a chance things could work again. They spun the story out for 10 years on “Friends”! Are you prepared to wait for 10 years, without knowing if your ex still has interest in you?

You also must realize that it’s very unlikely that your ex will say “Oh, yes” and fall into your arms the first time you raise the subject. It’s possible, but it’s more likely that you’ll get a definite no or a non-committal response. It’s really fine either way. If there is no chance, you’ve saved yourself a lot of time and heartache. If they respond they are uncertain – then there is hope!

Show them, don’t just talk about it

One of the classic mistakes is to repeatedly tell your ex how you will be better in the future. It’s a mistake because it appears desperate, which is a turn-off. Instead of talking about what you will do, just start doing it. For example, if your ex had trouble with you because they thought you should be more open, then try to become more open and caring. Give a gift, extend an olive branch. In other words, your actions have more effect than do your words.

Last time you were together, something went wrong. You need to deal with that. Actually acknowledge it, address it and show how you will make it better. When past problems come up again, deal with it in a new way. For example, if your problem was that you used to overreact, try to control yourself. Even better, just shrug off anything troublesome. You want your ex to notice your changes. But they must be genuine. If it is just a show to get your ex back, it will be transparent to your ex and you will do more damage than good.

Win your Ex’s heart back, and make your relationship stronger than ever. Visit Love Making Up for many more tips. 

Most of us have to suffer through the pain of a break up at some point.  If your partner had decided to break up with you, here’s how to get over being dumped. Sites like The Relationship Fix help. Here’s some advice you can use right away to help you survive being dumped.

It’s hard to maintain your self-esteem when someone breaks up with you, but you need to do it. The fact is that self-esteem is an inside job and you don’t need your ex’s approval to feel good about yourself.

As best you can, limit the time you think about your ex and the breakup. You’re going to need to think about it, but I suggest you limit your worry time to 20-30 minutes a day. If you find yourself starting to think about it at other times, remember that it’s not the time and shift your thoughts.

Use the time that you’re recovering from the break up to focus on yourself and your interests. You probably have spent less time doing things that you enjoyed to spend time with your partner. Now you can do what you want.

Let’s be blunt. When you’ve been dumped you’re at risk for depression. You need to do what you can to avoid it. Even though you may have to force yourself, getting out of the house and staying busy will help keep your spirits up.

Exercise should be part of your daily routine all the time. When you’re going through a break up it’s more important than ever. In addition, exercise is a proven antidote to depression.

Finally, resist any temptation to call, text, email or otherwise contact your ex for the first few weeks after the breakup.

There are a couple of reasons for this. One is that, maybe like ripping a band-aid off all at once, it lessens the overall pain you’ll feel.

Although it may seem counter-intuitive, not communicating is likely to make you seem more attractive to your ex. They were probably expecting you to resist the break up or even beg them to take you back. Staying calm and in control goes against that expectation. It may even cause them to start to wonder if the break up was a good idea in the first place.

Making a clean break not only gives you a chance to “get your act together”, it’s likely to make you seem more desirable to your ex. It may not seem like it, but it’s entirely possible you could get back together again. In fact, if you play your cards right, it’s likely you can turn things around no matter how hopeless they feel now.

However that doesn’t just happen. It takes relationship skills that most of us just don’t have. It’s not our fault since no one ever taught them to us growing up.

Fortunately we can get the information help we need now. There are two programs I’ve looked at and can highly recommend. To help you decide which is right for you, check out these reviews:

Magic of Making up Review

Second Chance Romance Review

These are both excellent systems that put the odds of reestablishing your relationship hugely in your favor. As you see from the reviews, they’re somewhat different from each other. Since they both have excellent guarantees (if you don’t get back together with your ex, you get a complete refund!) there’s no reason not to check out both of them.

I have witnessed, both within my own family, in the outside world and in my practice, what can happen in a relationship if there is no common bond that can actually bind a couple together.

Well, let me digress (or maybe, progress) and say a bit about getting together as a couple in the first place: even if there is a strong attraction, be it physical, mental or emotional: Love; That does not seem to be enough to keep a couple together; the body will wither, the mind will change and the emotions will flutter. And love may turn into a dependency or habit. Unless, there is a third entity; the glue that binds the one to the other; the bond that binds, a mutual goal and lifetime commitment to it. The “it” needs to be greater that both of you, a driving force that can take both of you, like a boat down the river, or an ark during a flood (and floods there will be) …

In my opinion, there are two good bonds; children and Religion or a Spiritual Practice (to be more politically correct, or any other proven external disciplinary way of life that both parties agreed to commit to whole-heartedly, abide by, follow and emulate; the goal). There are, of course, no guarantees even if both of these are there, but the chances are multiplied exponentially.

Without these, there is no common bond; it’s just two people living separate lives together: convenient for a nice meal, some ambience, safe sex, and the occasional meaningful conversation …

So, both parties must have the same intent or lifetime goal. Otherwise, both sides will be resentful, because, in any situation, for any important decision, no compromise can satisfy both of the parties, because their primary motivating goals are different; or they have no primary motivating goals and “just don’t feel like it” at the time. And so there is no improvement in the situation and resentments, anger, etc. build; and there is no possibility for a long-term relationship.

Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards negativity, insecurity and fear/anxiety. But this is who the person is at the moment; and they are perfect the way they are.

Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards not wanting to be so depended upon by the other, for their happiness, security and emotional wellbeing. But this is who that person is at the moment; and perfect the way they are.

Much of this may stem from residual family entanglements. Control issues coming from the family of origin may be the cause of some behaviors. Some behaviors may come from family insecurity issues.

There are a few key issues that need to be kept in mind: Trust! Honesty! One must trust the other, as the right hand trusts the left. And one must be honest and trustworthy, inside the relationship and in the world at large as well; trusting yourself, being honest with yourself and trusting your partner and being honest with your partner, and being trustworthy and honest in all your dealings in the world. In other words, your thoughts, speech and actions should always be in line with a clear conscience.

There are times when you will feel rejected or abandoned, based on your perception of the situation. There is usually no reason to feel this way; from the other’s standpoint, it’s not about you, it may be about their family control issues.

At times you may feel that you would appear weak if you give in to the desires of the other. There is no reason to feel weak by giving in: remember the bond that binds; you can show your compassion and accommodation of what may be the other’s family insecurity issues.

Besides the above mentioned, or perhaps, because of the above mentioned, there may be a lack of real compassion and empathy on the part of both parties for each other. To see the world from the other persons heart and to trust the other person, that they are doing the best they can. To see them as perfect, the way they are. (Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that there is no room for improvement.) To realize the person is always more important than any ideology or material object or goal; the relationship comes first.

Perhaps ask; what’s the worst thing that can happen if the worst thing happens. In most cases, upon sober reflection, the answer is; nothing very devastating. Again, the third entity, the bond that binds, the trust in that everything that happens is only good.

There is a need for genuine compassion and complete acceptance of the other as perfect as they are; acknowledgement and acceptance of each others needs and idiosyncrasies and the commitment and willingness to live with them as they are, for as long as they are that way. And how can we come to such a point. History has shown, as do presetn day successful marriages, that there is a bond that binds one love ot the other. This “glue” comes in the form of a “third party”.

The other person; their feelings, hopes, dreams, goals must be your own as well: you are one; heads and tails of the same coin. Essentially, two bodies split off from one soul, one spirit.

It says, “All beginnings are difficult”. And while this may be so, you can ensure that the trip will be worthwhile and pleasant for you and for all of those who love you, by heading in the right direction, with the right foot, for the right reasons, towards the right goal …

Abraham Bruck is the developer of the Universal Healing Technique and the UHT Lifetime Trauma Resolution Protocol.

If you are going through a break up right now and want to get her back, there’ are a few things you should understand. I’ll split the things into 4 to make it easier to understand. 1) Understanding what’s going on. 2) Getting your head together. 3) Assessing the situation. 4) Working the plan.

1) Understand what’s going on. What’s happening here apart from the obvious fact you’ve recently split up. Digging a little beneath the surface the split could be down to any number of reasons, but the fact is most splits happen for one or two particular reasons.

If you broke up with her and not the other way round it should be easier to repair the damage. However if she did the breaking up then you will have to think hard as to why she left. That’s if the reason isn’t obvious, like your infidelity or something similar. If you can work out why she split with you then you are a long way to fixing this problem.

2) Get your head together. It’s really important that you get your emotions under control before you attempt anything. Losing control after you’ve made a bit of progress will kill any chances of getting back together.

It’s this reason why you must take a bit of time to yourself and get you head together. With your emotions in check you are in control of any future meetings. Plus she will view you as being mature and able to talk rationally. If she thinks you are immature and unable to control yourself you are losing points. At this stage you don’t want to lose points.

3) Assess the situation Ok, what does this mean? So far you know what’s going on from step 1; you also have you emotions under control from step 2. Now you need to look at the bigger picture and assess what you can do to put this mess right.

It’s at this stage you need to get a plan of action. A plan that you can follow every step of the way to get your desired result. You can get these systems on the net. They will (they claim) hold your hand all the way. In fact when I wanted to get my wife back I turned to one such system.

To be honest I thought the whole idea of a system (a written down set of rules) to get my wife back was a total crock of crap. I didn’t think people could be manipulated with a handful of instructions in some eBook. I was quite wrong. I realised that we seem to follow the same rules, and mostly on an unconscious level.

It’s reasons like these that “get back together” methods seem to work well. I paid forty bucks for the one I used. I’ve reviewed it on my site, and I can recommend it as it did the job for me. However you go about trying to get your wife back you will need some sort of plan of action. May as well make it as simple as possible with one of these systems.

4) Work the plan Assuming you’ve got yourself a system you need to put it into action. It won’t do it by itself. I particularly liked (and used) the psychological tactics that came with the system.

My eyes were opened by the bonus section dealing with psychological mind games. I just didn’t realise we are all “victims” of psychological tactics every day. Governments, ad agencies, employers are all using psychological tactics on a routine basis. These tactics can give you immense power to control most situations with your ex. Without her even realising.

It’s no heavy duty hypnosis we are talking about here, that’s not fair and I would never suggest that. Simple psychological mind games like inviting her for coffee regularly. Maybe just to talk. Then as you see her at ease with the situation casually invite her to lunch. You then step up to an evening meal and then eventually a proper date.

This is the sort of mind games you can use. The system I used had a complete section on psychological tactics and why they work. You can use these mind games to shorten the time it takes to get your ex back easily.

In conclusion you have the four parts to understanding and rectifying your current situation. If you want the easiest route to getting her back then take a look at the review on my site. Click this link to get your wife back.

I have witnessed, both within my own family, in the outside world and in my practice, what can happen in a relationship if there is no common bond that can actually bind a couple together.

First let me state the not so obvious: a strong attraction, be it physical, mental or emotional: Love; Does not seem to be enough to keep a couple together. Why? Becuse eventually, the body will wither, the mind will change and the emotions will flutter. And love may turn into a dependency or habit. Unless, there is a third entity; the glue that binds the one to the other; the bond that binds, a mutual goal and lifetime commitment to it. The “it” needs to be greater that both of you, a driving force that can take both of you, like a boat down the river, or an ark during a flood (and floods there will be) …

In my opinion, there are two good bonds; children and Religion or a Spiritual Practice (to be more politically correct, or any other proven external disciplinary way of life that both parties agreed to commit to whole-heartedly, abide by, follow and emulate; the goal). There are, of course, no guarantees even if both of these are there, but the chances are multiplied exponentially.

Without these, there is no common bond; it’s just two people living separate lives together: convenient for a nice meal, some ambience, safe sex, and the occasional meaningful conversation …

So, both parties must have the same intent or lifetime goal. Otherwise, both sides will be resentful, because, in any situation, for any important decision, no compromise can satisfy both of the parties, because their primary motivating goals are different; or they have no primary motivating goals and “just don’t feel like it” at the time. And so there is no improvement in the situation and resentments, anger, etc. build; and there is no possibility for a long-term relationship.

Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards negativity, insecurity and fear/anxiety. But this is who the person is at the moment; and they are perfect the way they are.

Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards not wanting to be so depended upon by the other, for their happiness, security and emotional wellbeing. But this is who that person is at the moment; and perfect the way they are.

Much of this may stem from residual family entanglements. Control issues coming from the family of origin may be the cause of some behaviors. Some behaviors may come from family insecurity issues.

There are a few key issues that need to be kept in mind: Trust! Honesty! One must trust the other, as the right hand trusts the left. And one must be honest and trustworthy, inside the relationship and in the world at large as well; trusting yourself, being honest with yourself and trusting your partner and being honest with your partner, and being trustworthy and honest in all your dealings in the world. In other words, your thoughts, speech and actions should always be in line with a clear conscience.

There are times when you will feel rejected or abandoned, based on your perception of the situation. There is usually no reason to feel this way; from the other’s standpoint, it’s not about you, it may be about their family control issues.

At times you may feel that you would appear weak if you give in to the desires of the other. There is no reason to feel weak by giving in: remember the bond that binds; you can show your compassion and accommodation of what may be the other’s family insecurity issues.

Besides the above mentioned, or perhaps, because of the above mentioned, there may be a lack of real compassion and empathy on the part of both parties for each other. To see the world from the other persons heart and to trust the other person, that they are doing the best they can. To see them as perfect, the way they are. (That’s not to say that there is no room for improvement.) To realize the person is always more important than any ideology or material object or goal; the relationship comes first.

Perhaps ask; what’s the worst thing that can happen if the worst thing happens. Most of the time, when the dust settles, nothing too spectacular. Again, the third entity, the bond that binds, the trust in that everything that happens is only good.

There is a need for genuine compassion and complete acceptance of the other as perfect as they are; acknowledgement and acceptance of each others needs and idiosyncrasies and the commitment and willingness to live with them as they are, for as long as they are that way. And this, as has been proven throught the ages, and continues to be valid, cannot be accomplished without the “third party”, which is the bond that binds one love to the other.

The other person; their feelings, hopes, dreams, goals must be your own as well: you are one; heads and tails of the same coin. One person, soul, living life in two bodies.

It says, “All beginnings are difficult”. And while this may be so, heading in the right direction, with the right foot, for the right reasons, towards the right goal, will ensure that the trip will be worthwhile and pleasant for you and for all of those who love you …

Abraham Bruck is the developer of the Universal Healing Technique and the UHT Lifetime Trauma Resolution Protocol.