Divorce – A New Rite of Passage for the 21st Century
A break up does not put an end to the world. Sure, sometimes it feels as if everything you worked for is gone and that the beliefs you held sacred have failed you. You might doubt your faith in Divinity, disavow your faith in real love, as well as shake your fist at what has happened with you. However, also a big feeling upheaval an old proverb goes, “You can not let some omelet without breaking eggs.”
One world may end with a divorce. When one goes through a divorce there are numerous things which change. For women it’s a name change and for both parties custody of children and pets, division of property and mutually purchased items as well as obtaining separate residences. Every time you need to make a choice it might seem like the end of the world. Ponder for a bit about the long and painful work required of you and your mother to bring you into the world. And in the end you become two separate beings instead of one. Ending a marriage is similar: it can be long, painful, agonizing and take all the effort both you and your partner have. And in the end, you are two separate beings instead of one.
For people whose marriages are far from what they hoped, divorce brings the opportunity to regroup, learn from previous mistakes, and assimilate new information. Though the steps you are taking now to become a single person are difficult and often painful, keep walking. On the other side of this adventure is a new you, with new hopes, a more realistic and experienced viewpoint and a better grasp of self and the world. Is it scary? Sure it’s true. But as M. Scott Peck, the groundbreaking interpersonal psychologist says, “Going into the unknown is invariably frightening, but you learn what is significantly new only through adventure.” Since life is an adventure you have to go through some trial and error in the process. Treat this break up as an examination which you should clear in your own persona Hero’s journey
What about the proverbial baggage? Common perceptions of divorces include such images as people stuck in cyclic patterns who continuously replay the same hurtful scenarios over and over again, or people who take their hurt and anger from a previous partner out on their current partner. Surely there exists a grain of truth in such stereotypes.
How come it’s completely untrue? Now that you have gone through these times, you will have tools and new approaches to relationships. We learn from our mistakes for future reference.
However, care must be taken to the abuse of this fresh knowledge! The key to keeping yourself from becoming the epitome of the baggage stereotype is to use objectivity and cognitive compassion with the new insight. The difficult times you associate with divorce will be useful when you enter a new relationship. Be on your guard as it can be false.
A benefit from going through a separation or divorce will be the ability to judge circumstances more accurately. So is the concept that sadness and separation does not automatically equal an ending. This chapter is over so it’s time to move on to the next. As the poet Anais Nin said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Have a Happy blooming!
If you want more information, you can find out about my experience as an experienced Austin divorce attorney. You may also want to ask for our Austin TX Divorce Guide Audio CD at TruslerLegal.com. If you need more specific information, you can read our Austin divorce questions.
