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Posts Tagged ‘argument’

Fighting or arguing is a part of any relationship. Conflict helps you relationship grow. If you may think that the strongest relationships cannot go through some tough times-you are wrong because any relationship can be destroyed if things are out of control. Some relationships, if not carefully handled, can easily fall into pitfalls.
If you are in a big fight, you become an enemy in the eyes of your partner. Ask yourself: What kind of enemy I am?

Are you a good or bad enemy?

Do you escape and avoid arguments in your relationship?
If you are too proud or stubborn to admit things are not working right, that makes you a bad enemy.
A good enemy on the other hand, does not avoid any arguments. Instead a good enemy listens and makes an effort to understand the conflicting situation. If you have strength if character and abundance of patience, you would be able to handle situations and solve problems easily.

If you are able to do all of these, it simply shows that you are able to listen to the hidden content of the whole idea of arguing- you are able to determine what your partner is crying out for, the need for contact and the desperation for loneliness.

Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:
You always think about your partner’s feelings, if they feel good about themselves each day. – Be able to say an apology and break communication barriers – Praising your partner whenever they contributed something that helps your relationship – You acknowledge the problems in your relationship and helping you partner understand why it is important to discuss the problems. – You recognize and accept your shortcomings and think of ways for you to become a better partner – You treat your partner with respect and dignity at all times
You get caught in the stresses of daily living and dealing with a difficult partner makes it worse. If you are able to deal with your problems, it shows that you have a skill in fair fighting.

The skills of a good enemy:

• Be able to accept the things that your partner find difficult in your relationship
• Deal with the problems in an calm and self-empowered manner
• Even if your partner can be difficult, you are able to focus the positive energy that enhances the relationship
• Be able to control your emotions, know when to stop and to say enough, and be able to make solid decisions
• Willingness Negotiate a win-win soluton with your partner

You should always work through problems and settle it in a cooperative way. After all, you and your partner thrive in a mutual understanding and positive atmosphere. Fighting is not to make you look like a bad person but rather the opposite.

Is your relationship beyond repair? 
It may not be as bad as you think…as long as you still care.By applying the ideas we offer in the ebook, you will become a Positive Conflict agent, what I call being a “Good Enemy”!
Want to know more?

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of ”The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Emotional abuse has long-term effects to the person who has experienced constant yelling and name-calling. One of the damages that emotional abuse can cause is that it would be really hard for you to accept your condition.This article will help you overcome the pain and forget your past.
You would be developing behavioral patterns like remaining aloof, having a low self-esteem and confidence and will make you hate yourself. This is prone to depression and anxiety. The scenario of you being abused will linger in your thoughts. This is not easy because you will be carrying this burden throughout your life.
Emotional abuse can be traumatizing. You have to deal with this too. If only there is something that you can chew that would make it vanish forever! But that’s not exactly how it works. It is all about reframing your memories and re-shaping your mindset.
Here are some helpful steps to help you forget past emotional abuse:

• Acceptance is the key! You must accept the face that you have been abused. If you think that the abusive behavior is normal then it will get you nowhere.
• Stop feeling guilty and blaming everything to yourself!. You are not responsible for the abusive behavior of your partner.
• What has happened; has happened. In your life, there are bad chapters that you should try to forget.
• Be confident to yourself and realize your self worth.
• Love yourself for what you are and try to remember the kind of person you are before.

You really can’t make a conscious decision to “forget” your past because healing will come with time. Find a good counselor if you think counseling is necessary. In time you may find someone else to share your experiences with, but that’s not something you should focus on while you’re healing.

The information in your past can help you with your future. Healing emotional abuse requires patience and trust to yourself and others who can help you. If you allow positive things to happen, everything in the past will be recast in a different light.

It’s important to move on, and do what you want to do with your life, and find yourself again.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

How do you express your anger?

• Your get “Hotheaded” and more intensely cursing and throwing things
• You do not show anger in loud ways but you are chronically irritable and grumpy
• Or constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments

The choices above simply shows are a sign that you are lacking more constructively means express your anger. This beaviour isn’t likely to lead to many successful relationships.
Expressing anger in a controlled way is extremely difficult. Usually the tendency for most is to explode and rant on.
To some extent, you can do things that will take your mind off the anger.
But do you think walking out of the situaton a healthy way? It could be a temporary measure but it is still important to express your anger and address it properly because if not, it will pile up inside you.
Why is it important to express anger? If your anger is not allowed as an outward expression, it can turn inward—on yourself. It can create problems like getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them. Or displaying a personality that is hostile and cynical. Worst-Case scenario would be : hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Here are some ways on how to control your anger :

• By expressing you can say what your needs are, and how to get them, without hurting others.
• You can suppress your anger by converting it into a more constructive behavior or redirecting and focusing on something positive.
• You can calm down by controlling your inward and outward behavior, let the feelings subside to avoid health related problems

Remember that anger is a completely normal, human expression of emotion. It can turn into a destructive, unhealthy situation when it gets out of control.

Give yourself the opportunity to express anger in a safe way, without hurting anyone else. Try to forgive the person who wronged you.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? Visit: Positive Conflicts, And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

You may also want to check out : Anger Management On Line for your online anger management class

Do you feel unhappy eventhough you are with someone whom you are supposed to be intimate with? Do you feel that your relationship becomes stressful and hard to deal with?
There could be contributing factors in your relationship with your partner that puts you in an unhappy state. Your partner might be in a matured relationship with you but it is also possible that he has some unresolved issues that makes him hard to deal with. You partner might also never learnt how to accept and manage his anger. You must know the reason why your relationship is in a chaotic situation, if you fail to do so, chances are you will have a hard time dealing with your partner and your relationship as a whole.
In this article, you will realize if you are dealing with passive aggressive partner. This will help you understand your partner and save your relationship from being destroyed. If you are able to understand his past, you can stand up and regain your self-respect.
Here are some signs of a person who has a PA behavior:
– Acts passive but aggressively gets what he wants – Agrees up front then doesn’t do what he agreed to and make things complicated in the end – Strikes his anger indirectly – Gets out of the situation where there is confrontation and criticism over an issue – Complaining about anything and thinks deeply how his life is being cursed
A passive aggressive person are emotionally unavailable and can’t allow anybody to get very emotional close. They tend to reject emotional intensity and would find comfort by their inner isolation.
You can try to be patient and understanding but eventually, you will be confused by a barage of mixed irrrational or emotional contradictory messages. They would blame you for making them angry. As a result, you feel dismissed, ignored and rejected. You do not know how to process and react. If you are in a negative environment, your ability to decide can be affected.
Some situation does not improve because your parner tries to confuse and brainwash you. Sometimes there are behavioral patterns that you can adapt from your partner like being violent.
Do you want to be happy in a relationship?

If you answer YES, then you should understand that his reactions have nothing to do with YOU! The fact is that he would react in the same way to any one who threatens to enter into his private world. His fear is not of you, but of intimacy and yielding to emotional compromise with any woman. When conflict appears, you should know where you stand so you can decide what to do with your life.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Get your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘
before I take it off line!

Do you wonder why your strong emotion hurt your partner and destroy a good relationship?
Can you overcome your anger, instead of constantly being overcome by it? Yes- if you start changing your attitude in mind. You must stop making an excuse for your negative temper. You must put in mind that anger is your enemy!
Uncontrolled anger can be very devastating. It can reveal your true colors. Anger is a negative emotion and it shatters relationship and breeds violence.

Is It Good To “Let it Rip?”

If you are using this excuse to hurt others, what you do not know is that it escalates anger and it does not help to resolve the situation.

To solve the problem of anger you must recognize the anger within your mind. You must apply practical methods in your daily life to control your anger.

To stop your uncontrolled behavior, you must know its symptoms. You will learn how to recognize them and stop it at an early stage before it gets worse.

Here are the symptoms of uncontrolled behavior:

• Always thinking about detailed plans to commit acts of violence
• Threatening others
• Failing to acknowledge the feelings of others
• Feeling rejected
• Withdrawal from friends
• Loss of temper

So what is the best solution?

You should find out what causes your rage and when you do, develop strategies to control your anger.

You may also want to ask yourself these questions :

Is your anger important or reasonable enough?

Is it possible that you make the situation complicated?

Some ways to help you control your anger:

Anger Management can help you learn to control your reactions or get rid of the things that enrage you

• Simple relaxation tools can calm down angry feelings such as deep breathing, yoga-like   exercises, visualization of a relaxed experience
• It helps if you change your environment where you can have a fresh view of things and get away from the usual and irritating place.
• Choose less hurtful words and don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say.
• Use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Don’t use sarcastic humor because it will still escalate anger
• Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
• Anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational so always remind yourself that you’re just experiencing some hard times in your life.

Every problem has a solution. The best mentality is to focus on how to handle and face the problem.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions

PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“
You may also want to check out this online anger management class

Happiness, as we all know, come from the relationship around you.
Experience tells you that It’s not easy to build a lasting relationship. Some things happen beyond your control and you find yourself unable to handle it.
One of the hindrances in loving relationships is anger. Anger is a strong emotion. Whether you choose express it or not, it is still one thing that is going to do some damage.
What if you have ever loved someone who was angry at the world? Can you imagine what your life would be like in the years to come?
When one becomes really angry it creates a need to try to control everything. The effects of being angry is the damage done to the relationship. The effects of anger can progress from mild irritation, to yelling or maybe physical abuse.
You may argue or fight intensely and anger seems to boil in degrees.

But ask yourself:
Does this help your relationship?

Here’s some facts about anger and how it can destroy your relationship:

• - If anger comes into the surface, it creates drama and crises in the situation, and lingers long after it leaves – It is fueled with a lot of negativity that it can quickly destroy a relationship that as been positive or good for a long period of time.
• - Anger can affect self-esteem and confidence.
• Anger can affect anything especially love, self esteem and trust.
• Anger is full of uncertainty and fear, it makes you say and do things that you will regret.

Too much anger in your relationship can affect the intimacy between you and your partner.Being in a chaotic situation will make you unhappy and can cause more ill feelings that would eventually destroy your intimacy.
Trust and honesty can be destroyed by anger so easily and it wears off intimacy in your relationship. Harsh words, criticism and non-acceptance  are the causes of anger and this can affect the intimacy of your relationship.

Anger can also cause blaming and criticism where you lash out at each other’s feelings.

 Blaming and criticizing also leads to a lack of intimacy and even more conflict in the long run.

If your relationship is truly valuable and you want to protect the emotional bond you that you have invested, the two of you should accept and understand each other. Do not allow anyone of you to erupt into criticism. Find ways to discuss things in a peaceful manner.

To your happiness!
Neil Warner,

PS: To know more on Anger Management,
Visit our Site “Positive Conflicts“

Do you have the feeling that everyday conflicts are becoming harder to tolerate?

Do you perceive such situations as a battle where you need to defeat the other?

Let’s see why this idea of “winner” and “looser” is at the heart of this constant escalation of arguments…

There are some reasons to explain why you think that  “winning” over an argument will allow you to move on with the problem.

Most of the time it’s just because you have the idea that you fight for a scarce resource; and this forces you to “to win” no matter the costs.

But In order to play this type of conflict you need an “other;” someone or something to act as our opponent or obstacle, the bad one..

The battle scenario would look like this:

1. The bad one is competing with you for a scare resource.
2. As result of this situation only one of you can be a winner:
3. If you attack first, he will counter attack..
4. If he move first, you will feel compelled to react and ‘defend’ your self.
5. Whatever course of action, the only possible issue will be escalating the dispute.

Things to note here:

• Even if you want to avoid the conflict, inaction will create the conditions for the other to do the first move forcing you to react.
• Unless you step back and find another way, there can not be a real winner. 
  Even if you win over the resources, the price to pay is undermining your relationship.
• If you too afraid to take action and radically change the way you approach this confrontations, the only option left is to fight.
• This over time will result to unresolved and escalated confrontation that ends up with both sides isolated and moving in different directions.
• Failed communication leads to more isolation, pain, and anger.

Now if your repeat this scenario over and over, the value of your relationship will decrease with each round..

What do you really need to change this pattern?

Remember the real “relationship” lies beneath. It is alive and well and full of love.

Just don’t make this small ‘negotiation’ compromise your relationship.

Managing conflicts through positive techniques can help you learn more ways to resolve conflicts.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? get your Freen copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time, you may loose your ‘inner compass’ and can become convinced that you are not worthy of love and respect.

Try to honestly answer this questions to yourself:

• Is your ultimate fear to be left alone, without no one to love you?
• Do you sacrifice your own wishes, just to please your partner?
• If your partner abuses you, do you become submissive?
• Do you felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid arguments?

If you are in a relationship wherein emotional abuse happens everyday, the effects are dangerous than any form of abuse because it can be frequent. The effects of emotional abuse can be subtle, it makes you feel that you are the problem in the relationship even if you are not. It makes you doubt your self-worth and erodes your self-esteem.

Here are the negative effects of long-term emotional abuse:

• Low self-esteem
• Emotional Stress
• Health Problems
• Depression
• Isolation
• Alcohol or drug use

You may seem introverted, quiet, or may appear confident and extrovert, which is an act to fool the outside world so that you can hide the humiliation you are experiencing. You are resistant to seek help from others and decided to deal with it on your own. But ongoing contact can drag you back in the abusive situation again and again.

So if your partner is unwilling to seek help or knowledge, you must try to do something about it.
The recovery process is long and painful. In the end, you may decide to hurt yourself, it may influence your mentality. It may result to suicide when dealing with a long-term emotional abuse. You would feel unlovable and unworthy.

If only you would seek proper counseling, this chain of suffering could be stopped once and for all.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

You have a hard time letting go of the past hurt its because you keep on thinking the things that you could have done instead. You will be so much focused on blaming yourself for whatever the result of your failed relationship.

You may have suffer emotional abuse at one time or another. However, it is not the place you want to stay.
Do you like being reminded of every pain and sorrow you had? I hope you don’t. But if you do, maybe you have been badly hurt or just afraid to get hurt again. But as you know, if you keep the pain, it will take you nowhere. One thing you should be thankful about being bruised so bad, is that you have learned a lesson from it. More importantly, you have to trust yourself believing you can recover.
Trust and faith are needed in moving on – These will be your tools. You need faith that all things are working for your own good. You have to realize it’s not too late. Actually, it’s never too late to change and become a better you. You deserve a caring relationship.
Why do you have to keep the pain that hurt you so badly? After all the hurt and pain, take time to heal. But keep in mind, it takes time and work to bring about healing. Also forgive yourself for having wronged. Doing so, it will help you move on.

By moving on with your life, you will come to appreciate people who treats you a lot better. You will come to realize there are many people who cares and will do what they can to help and support in picking up yourself again. When making careful decisions and choices, you learn to trust yourself, and so as the people around you, such as family and friends. Building new memories will ease the pain from the past. You may look back, but you can never go back. You can only move forward.

Make yourself happy. Evaluate yourself and try to see if things are working for your own good. Understanding yourself with compassion is also a key to a happier you. Do something special like taking a trip with your loved ones and as well as people you find supportive.
Getting away from a painful situation, will help you gain a new perspective. Learn to enjoy and appreciate the things you have now. You see, you may not have the things you want, but sometimes the things that you did not expect is what you really needed after all. Truth is, getting hurt can be good for you. You won’t agree yet if you are still in pain. But when you look back after all the sorrow is gone, you will deeply appreciate the experience and the things you learned from it.

The lessons you get from the pain you have experienced in the past will make you find more positive relationships. Based on what you have experienced, you become aware of every choices and decisions you make. You try to avoid the same people who were responsible for creating those negative and emotional relationships. You should also take responsibility of owning your own relationship. You suffer unreasonably because of an abusive partner. Only when you stop seeing yourself as a victim will you start to see yourself in a better way.
You start realizing despite what had happened, it is still reasonable for you to want a fulfilling relationship. You have the chance of getting what you want if only you put yourself on the line. Remember, if you do not try at all you will never know what is out there waiting for you. Moving on with your life is the best way to have a chance for you to improve your relationship.
{You deserve a happy life}. Because after getting over the pain and learning to move on, that’s when you see how much you are worth. Spending more time with yourself is the ultimate in taking care of your well-being. You become better than ever and will be a stronger person. You should make a way to look after yourself from now on.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict
FREE Report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

Of all the the things you can control in your life, much depends on the quality of your communication style. If you are going to be a successful in any aspect of your Relationship, Work, and Family, then improving your communication skills will give you a real advantage.

Steps To improve Your Communication Style:

1. Watch your language, and begin washing out words commonly thought of as aggressive or inflammatory. your language will be more effective If you stick to a description of the facts (at the least the part of the facts you know),. You should not use clear, direct statements and avoid complex interpretations of others’ behavior. For example, try “That makes me feel bad. Why are you saying it?” instead of “You must really hate me.”
   
2. Avoid using the words “never” and “always.” They make people react very upset and put them at the deffensive. These words are obviously untrue, because you can’t see that far into the future. Using them will destroy your credibility in a confrontation, and unfairly denies the other’s potential for change and self-improvement.
3. Learn to listen. When an argument starts, the best thing you can do is to really listen to the other. Make a point of repeating what the other person said, perhaps adding an acknowledgement of their emotional state: “What you are telling me is that the situation in your company is so bad that you are sure your position will be terminated, and that has you in serious trouble making your house payments. I can see why you’re scared and angry.”
4. Difficult conversations require total attention. Listening validates the other, and shows that you understand, respect and care about their point of view. It encourages the other to take the next step, moving into problem-solving mode.
5. Do not avoid talking about a difficult issue. Volunteer your help by respectfully bringing up issues that are problematic, worrisome or sad. Help other people overcome denial. It is okay to say, “I realize that this is difficult for you, and I’d like to understand all the aspects of this situation… can you tell me more about how you got pregnant?”

Practicing this tips will put you on the path to master  arguments and disputes, generated either by you or by others; more control of the process and outcome of any discussion, not withstanding how difficult the issue can be.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
For more insights on dealing with your conflicts, visit Positive Conflicts and claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘