Survive Your Breakup

Posts Tagged ‘how get your boyfriend back’

Jenny had a problem with her ex boyfriend.  In order to repair the relationship, she needed him to understand that she required real commitment.

Brian had a hard time with committment.  Brian would get real serious with her for months at a time and then turn it off.  This had happened three times and Jenny was tired of saying Brian was her boyfriend and then her ex boyfriend.  To get back together this time would require something more.

Jenny reflected on what she desired and developed a two-goal plan.

First of all, she said that they could get back together one more time.  If Brian freaked out again then Jenny would move on and forget Brian.  Brian could not mess around this time.

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But the second prong was just as important.  Jenny realized that part of the problem was hers.  She often required more committment from Brian too early on.  Brian always agreed at the outset, but then only after a couple weeks he would feel stifled and want more time alone.

So, Jenny decided that this time, Brian would set the pace for the relationship.  This time, she would only require that he not date other girls.  Other than that fundamental principle, he would control the pace of the relationship.

When Jenny presented this solution to her ex boyfriend, to go out again with the understanding that he would set the speed, Brian was very interested.

Brian, being like most guys, needed to be the pursuer.  Whenever Jenny set the pace, she stole away his power to chase her.  He discovered that he felt both emasculated and suffocated at the same time. So, Jenny stopped calling him.  She let Brian call her.  She stopped organizing all their dates and let him decide what to do.

Jenny discovered that at first they didn’t go on dates as frequently as she would wanted.  And, what they would do on dates was not as exciting as she would have liked.

But, she also realized that the time they spent together was more special than it had been in the past.  Brian no longer felt like he was in a strange place when he was together with her.  And, he didn’t need to take “breaks” from her. Jenny first needed to decide what she wanted.  She knew she wanted Brian and she was sure she wanted him completely.

But, she also must find out what Brian needed.  He needed some freedom and he also had to be in control of the relationship.  Even though she is a progressive woman, Jenny knew that this was important to Brian.

Suddenly, Brian wasn’t an ex boyfriend.  To get back with your ex, find out what you want and what he desires.  Then give it.

Getting back with your boyfriend after a breakup is not easy. You can take solace in the fact that you can get him back with a little effort. Trying to get an ex back is often met with failure.  Don’t try and assign the blame for this to you.  No one ever thinks of preparing for a breakup.  Let alone, how to repair a relationship after a separation. If you want to get your boyfriend back, then  these 5 simple steps should help achieve your goal:

1.First, pull yourself together. It’s easy to ‘fall apart’ after a breakup.  Start by turning negative thoughts into positive ones.  Don’t wallow in self pity.  You have to be willing to be strong. Your ex will think this is attractive. 

Don’t let your emotion and especially depression keep you down.  You can’t succeed if you are overcome with negativity.  Harmful thoughts an behavior will lead nowhere. 

2.Accept that the relationship in its prior form is over.  It is too late to go back and change the past.  You should not keep dwelling on the stupid things you did or think you did. 

Focus on what is going on now.  If you can accept that the old relationship is over, then you can prepare to create a new one.  Don’t forget that you are like only remembering the good times and not the bad ones.  Think about this; the relationship didn’t get broke in a day.  Don’t think you can fix it immediately.

3.Don’t keep contacting and bothering your ex.  Guys just don’t like it when girls become obsessive about them.  Especially ex boyfriends.  You may feel better when you can see him or talk with him, but you must avoid seeking him out.  Don’t keep texting him, calling him, emailing him, or going to places where he hangs out.  You want to give him a chance to miss you.  He may begin to actually miss you.  If you ruin it, it may be even harder to get him back. Not pestering is one of the basic truths for how to get your ex back.

4.Become an object of desire. Try giving yourself a makeover.  Now might be a good time to buy the new outfit you always wanted. Get a new hairstyle.  No would also be a good time to get in shape if you have let yourself go a little.  When you feel good on the outside, you will feel better on the inside.  By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy.  When you’re confident and happy, you will project this image to others.  You will become an object of desire to men.  Your ex boyfriend will be more attracted to you as well.

5.Don’t Rush.  If you are able to implement steps 1-4, it is likely that your boyfriend will try to contact you.  Imagine his surprise when he sees the “new” you from step 4.He will likely regret breaking up with you.  Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him. 

He will strongly desire to be with you when he sees how confident and strong you are.  If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy.  A huge benefit of this is it can stop a premature reunion that could just lead to another breakup.

These tips may not be easy for you to do at first.  You might be tempted to contact your ex more than is recommended.  These tips will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup.

In addition, these tips are also helpful if you want to get your girlfriend back

So, you are looking for ways to get boyfriend back. These nine things are what you should not do. Follow them closely.

1- Do not call him several times a day. Doing this will really bug the heck out of him. Give him his space.

2- Avoid emailing, texting or chatting online with him. Doing so may also drive him batty. As mentioned, he really needs some time away from you right now.

3- Avoid continually reminding him how it is his fault that the relationhip failed. You might be compelled to do this so you don’t have to take all the blame. Bad move.

4- Do not stalk your ex boyfriend. Such behavior can make him feel uncomfortable and suffocated. Remember, guys get really freaked out when they are stalked by women they believe they don’t want to be with.

5- Avoid continually calling his friends to ask about him. You are going to be very tempted to keep contacting his friends to ask how he is doing and what he is doing. They are only going to think that you are a psycho.

6- Avoid contacting any girls he may currently be interested in. This behavior will also make you appear a little crazy. Regardless of how strong the urge is to contact her, don’t.

7- Do not try to get in touch with his parents either. I had a girlfriend that tried to do this once. It was really annoying and weird.

8- Do not start dating a good friend of his. Your intent here will be very obvious. In addition, this is a terrible thing to do to his friend.

9- Do not call his place of work to find out what he is doing. Everyone there will think you are totally crazy if you do this. Leave the poor guy alone.

If you really want to get your boyfriend back (or get your girlfriend back), then you need to follow this step-by-step place for how to get your ex back. This is a proven plan that works.