Survive Your Breakup

Posts Tagged ‘marriage intimacy’

How many times have most of us heard the comment from someone who has been cheated on that they had no idea that their partner was involved in an extramarital affair? Often this is because they have failed to pick up on the inevitable small or subtle signs, of their partner’s infidelity. In a strong marital relationship, any attraction to a member of the opposite sex will be merely passive and any intimate advances from a member of the opposite sex will be rejected. Generally speaking the reason why people cheat on their partner is because of something lacking, or perceived to be lacking, in their marriage.

There are many signs of cheating, some obvious, some not so.

Here are the six most common reasons for a person indulging in an extramarital affair outside marriage:

1. Protest
Believe it or not there are some people who consider that they are quite entitled to have an affair. This is often the case with people who are constantly arguing with each other. They frequently seek peace and understanding in the arms of another as compensation; which curiously they see as their right.

2. Insecurity

There is often many reasons for this e.g.

• Many men feel shut out when their wife concentrates more on the children and gives little time and attention to him.
• Many women get so involved with their children’s lives and other matters that they neglect the intimate side of a spousal relationship.
• A man may spend excessive amounts of time on work or play to the detriment of their marital relationship. In this circumstance it is not uncommon for a wife to find love and companionship with another.
• As we age, sexual attractiveness wanes and as a consequence many people start to feel a sense of mortality and vulnerability.

3. Sex & Love
When one of the spouses has declining, or no interest in a sexual relationship with their spouse but the partner’s sexual feelings are still strong, an extramarital affair is often thought to be the answer to sexual fulfillment.
 
A person may still need the same kind of love that they first had in their relationship so many years ago. This is of course unrealistic because the total sexual and emotional “in love” feeling that both partners had for each other is a passing thing – many people don’t recognize this and yearn for what was in the early period of their relationship. When that rush of sexually charged love goes, a person may think that something is wrong with their marriage and look for fulfillment elsewhere.

In many of these situations a straying husband/wife will convince themselves that they have only got involved in an illicit relationship because of what is sometimes called the “fun” that is missing from their marital relationship.

Love and romance is the lifeblood of a successful marriage. This article provides tips on what you need to do to remain romantic lovers.

4. The One Night Stand
We often hear about “the one night stand” – this is more often than not an affair that has little relevance to the person that has indulged in it. Often such an affair is conducted in a state of intoxication or out of sexual curiosity. The impact on your partner, if they find out about it, can be devastating nevertheless.

5. Growing Apart
With the passing of time, couples interests and opinions on various matters often go in different directions. Sometimes these differences mean that there is no longer any common ground the result of which may be that couples are not in a position to give each other what they need.

6. Breakdown of a Relationship
When a marriage reaches the stage where there are irreconcilable differences it is common for one or both partners to go about searching for someone else so that they have companionship when the marriage dissolves.

Here are a couple of very common reasons why some people are “affair prone”, and persist in having extramarital affairs throughout a committed relationship, although they usually have no intention of breaking it up:

Excitement
The quality of love and intimacy in marriage naturally changes over the years. However there are those people who, although they recognize this, still yearn for the time when such love and intimacy was exciting and explosive. They still love their partner and don’t want their marriage to fail. To satisfy their craving they find excitement in the arms of others, usually in clandestine one night stands.

Fear of Intimacy
Some people have difficulty in coping with full intimacy in a married relationship. Many of these people, although they love their partner, simply want to distance themselves from the intimate side of marriage. A relationship with another person often achieves this end. At the same time such an arrangement ensures that they are not put in the position of full intimacy with either their spouse or lover. This compromise, strangely enough, tends to satisfy the requirement for a degree of detachment from their marital relationship.

Intimacy in marriage.

Some couples believe, particularly in the very early stages of their marriage, that intimacy is really all about sex while others hold a more romantic and traditional view of intimacy. Regardless of your personal [concept view] the most critical issue is the maintenance and strengthening of the bond that binds the two of you.

Changes in Intimacy.   

It is normal for newlyweds to consider intimacy in a sexual context rather than in the more traditional romantic way that more mature married couples who are experiencing a fulfilling and happy relationship do. Over time, intimacy in marriage becomes negatively affected by natural changes in lifestyle such as pregnancy, child, job and health issues and so on. The changing pattern of intimacy in marriage affects all couples and most deal with it in their stride.  

The major causes of a decline in intimacy in a marriage?  

The five most common matters that impact negatively on a relationship are:

1. Unwise expenditure.
2. Differing opinions on child rearing.
3. Too much time spent at work.
4. Couples unable to communicate effectively.
5. Differing attitudes towards sex.

Bringing back passion.

Discussing matters of mutual concern, enjoyment and interest is so vital  in maintaining love, intimacy and a healthy respect for one another. There is no doubt in  that communication in marriage is the key to preserving a loving relationship.

When couples are prepared to work together to sort out troublesome areas in their relationship then they are on a restorative path. Sometimes it is wise to use the services of a professional to help adjudicate over the more serious relationship difficulties that a married couple are endeavoring to resolve.

Never give a marriage away because you seem to have insurmountable compatibility issues. If you are both determined to work together to sort out these issues it is feasible to restore love and intimacy to your marriage.

Romance can easily be resurrected in a marriage. Consider adding a little spice to your relationship by doing little things that will really be appreciated like leaving your partner a love note from time to time, going out for meals more often, having the occasional candlelit meal at home or both spending quality time together away from the kids. Many of the most vital lessons to be learnt in removing conflict and re establishing love and intimacy in marriages are revealed in detail in several of the best online marriage guides currently available. 

The language of Love

Those three little words are so important. Don’t forget to tell your spouse frequently that you love them, hold their hand when the circumstances are appropriate, kiss them on parting and always remember to compliment them when they have made a special effort to look attractive.

If you are experiencing problems in your marriage and you feel that your previously solid marriage is coming to an end with the impending prospect of divorce, it probably doesn’t help to say that you don’t have this on your own. The fact is that saving a marriage from divorce is a matter that masses of couples have been able to successfully achieve, it is simply a matter of approaching it in the correct way.

Having said that, there have been countless numbers of people in troubled marriages who for one reason or another took the serious step of going through the process of divorce and came out the other side happy and content with their new status. Most married couples who formerly had experienced a fulfilling relationship would prefer to try and resolve their difficulties and bring back the love that was an important and satisfying aspect of their marriage. There are 3 simple tips that can be employed that will help restore the love and balance to a marriage.

Here are those 3 simple tips for stopping divorce?

1. Don’t try to resolve serious marriage issues by yourselves and don’t for goodness sake involve your family in your problems with a view to having them help you out of your difficulties. Quite honestly, family involvement in these matters can cause more problems than they resolve. It is by far preferable to undergo professional counseling or therapy. An experienced counselor will have encountered all the marriage problems that you could possibly imagine so your precise problem wont be at all unfamiliar to them whether it be infidelity, money or child issues, or just general growing incompatibility.

2. Try and keep squabbles and disputes at bay. Make a real effort to discuss rather than argue–reason rather than dispute. Continually remind yourself that you are endeavoring to prevent divorce not advance it.

3. You and your spouse need to agree to commit to improving your relationship and demonstrate that commitment to each other. Nobody is “right” all the time–when you are wrong admit it don’t try to defend your opinion or actions. When you feel that your partner is wrong use a little psychology and agree with any opinions that they have that you can accept, then subtly steer them around to your way of thinking.

The reason marriages work.

Successful marriages are that way because the partners to that relationship are compatible to the extent  that they have the ability to communicate with each other in a way that partners in an unsuccessful relationship don’t, wont or cannot. The answer to preventing divorce can be as basic as making time to learn how to communicate effectively. There is absolutely no doubt that effective communication in marriage is the number one reason for long-lasting and loving marital relationships. Make a conscious effort to improve your marriage today and prevent divorce by making a deliberate effort to set aside disputes and arguments and learn how to discuss differences in a rational, non argumentative and non threatening way.