Survive Your Breakup

Posts Tagged ‘marriage reconciliation’

What is the generally accepted cause of an extramarital affair?

An affair may be sexual in character or it could purely be a matter of infatuation with another member of the opposite or same sex. The beginnings of such “affairs” can very often be traced back to some aspect of a marital relationship that is missing for one reason or another. An extramarital affair is one of the three most serious issues affecting a marriage. It involves breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a consequence, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.

One or more of the reasons itemised as follows, are generally cited as the motivation/excuse for starting an extramarital affair:

1. The spark has gone out of our marital relationship.
2. It started with a peck on the cheek then lead on to something more intense.
3. My partner is always tired and has lost their appetite for sex.
4. My secretary was always coming on to me especially after we’d had a drink or two together.
5. I have renewed my relationship with my ex.
6. Very little intimacy at home because of frequent business trips away.
7. My spouse is suffering from bad health and is unable to respond to sexual intimacy.

It is more than likely that some of the above will not be capable of being resolved. Be that as it may, if a couple are prepared to put the “affair” behind them and are determined to pick up the challenge of working towards repairing their marriage then surviving the infidelity will be all that much easier. Some matters need to be given serious thought however:

• If the innocent spouse has had sexual intercourse with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be advisable to have a medical check to find out whether there are any health issues that require medical treatment. This is an issue that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important to determine whether there has been any possible transmission of some form of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
• The question of trust also needs to be given careful consideration. Can I trust my spouse again after what they have done to me and our family?
• Is it really feasible for my spouse to break off the affair, or not to be tempted into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will remain faithful in the future?
• Consideration needs to be given to engaging a third party to provide marriage counseling to ensure that there is truly a determination on the part of both spouses to make the marriage survive and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite tough for both the person who has been affected by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the issues associated with this concerning matter on their own.

If you are the blameless party and are really interested in forgiving your spouse, and putting your marriage back on track, there may very well be a distinct possibility of achieving this if:

• Your spouse voluntarily admitted the affair to you.
• They are open when grilled about it.
• They have told you that they are repentant for having strayed.
• They have agreed to sever all contact with the other party.
• They have offered to be involved in counseling.

An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the conclusion of a marriage if you both really have the desire and the inclination to fix your relationship then marriage reconciliation is entirely possible.

If you are experiencing problems in your marriage and you feel that your previously solid marriage is coming to an end with the impending prospect of divorce, it probably doesn’t help to say that you don’t have this on your own. The fact is that saving a marriage from divorce is a matter that masses of couples have been able to successfully achieve, it is simply a matter of approaching it in the correct way.

Having said that, there have been countless numbers of people in troubled marriages who for one reason or another took the serious step of going through the process of divorce and came out the other side happy and content with their new status. Most married couples who formerly had experienced a fulfilling relationship would prefer to try and resolve their difficulties and bring back the love that was an important and satisfying aspect of their marriage. There are 3 simple tips that can be employed that will help restore the love and balance to a marriage.

Here are those 3 simple tips for stopping divorce?

1. Don’t try to resolve serious marriage issues by yourselves and don’t for goodness sake involve your family in your problems with a view to having them help you out of your difficulties. Quite honestly, family involvement in these matters can cause more problems than they resolve. It is by far preferable to undergo professional counseling or therapy. An experienced counselor will have encountered all the marriage problems that you could possibly imagine so your precise problem wont be at all unfamiliar to them whether it be infidelity, money or child issues, or just general growing incompatibility.

2. Try and keep squabbles and disputes at bay. Make a real effort to discuss rather than argue–reason rather than dispute. Continually remind yourself that you are endeavoring to prevent divorce not advance it.

3. You and your spouse need to agree to commit to improving your relationship and demonstrate that commitment to each other. Nobody is “right” all the time–when you are wrong admit it don’t try to defend your opinion or actions. When you feel that your partner is wrong use a little psychology and agree with any opinions that they have that you can accept, then subtly steer them around to your way of thinking.

The reason marriages work.

Successful marriages are that way because the partners to that relationship are compatible to the extent  that they have the ability to communicate with each other in a way that partners in an unsuccessful relationship don’t, wont or cannot. The answer to preventing divorce can be as basic as making time to learn how to communicate effectively. There is absolutely no doubt that effective communication in marriage is the number one reason for long-lasting and loving marital relationships. Make a conscious effort to improve your marriage today and prevent divorce by making a deliberate effort to set aside disputes and arguments and learn how to discuss differences in a rational, non argumentative and non threatening way.