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Posts Tagged ‘relationship dispute’

Fighting or arguing is a part of any relationship. Conflict helps you relationship grow. If you may think that the strongest relationships cannot go through some tough times-you are wrong because any relationship can be destroyed if things are out of control. Some relationships, if not carefully handled, can easily fall into pitfalls.
If you are in a big fight, you become an enemy in the eyes of your partner. Ask yourself: What kind of enemy I am?

Are you a good or bad enemy?

Do you escape and avoid arguments in your relationship?
If you are too proud or stubborn to admit things are not working right, that makes you a bad enemy.
A good enemy on the other hand, does not avoid any arguments. Instead a good enemy listens and makes an effort to understand the conflicting situation. If you have strength if character and abundance of patience, you would be able to handle situations and solve problems easily.

If you are able to do all of these, it simply shows that you are able to listen to the hidden content of the whole idea of arguing- you are able to determine what your partner is crying out for, the need for contact and the desperation for loneliness.

Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:
You always think about your partner’s feelings, if they feel good about themselves each day. – Be able to say an apology and break communication barriers – Praising your partner whenever they contributed something that helps your relationship – You acknowledge the problems in your relationship and helping you partner understand why it is important to discuss the problems. – You recognize and accept your shortcomings and think of ways for you to become a better partner – You treat your partner with respect and dignity at all times
You get caught in the stresses of daily living and dealing with a difficult partner makes it worse. If you are able to deal with your problems, it shows that you have a skill in fair fighting.

The skills of a good enemy:

• Be able to accept the things that your partner find difficult in your relationship
• Deal with the problems in an calm and self-empowered manner
• Even if your partner can be difficult, you are able to focus the positive energy that enhances the relationship
• Be able to control your emotions, know when to stop and to say enough, and be able to make solid decisions
• Willingness Negotiate a win-win soluton with your partner

You should always work through problems and settle it in a cooperative way. After all, you and your partner thrive in a mutual understanding and positive atmosphere. Fighting is not to make you look like a bad person but rather the opposite.

Is your relationship beyond repair? 
It may not be as bad as you think…as long as you still care.By applying the ideas we offer in the ebook, you will become a Positive Conflict agent, what I call being a “Good Enemy”!
Want to know more?

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of ”The Art of Positive Conflicts“

Emotional abuse has long-term effects to the person who has experienced constant yelling and name-calling. One of the damages that emotional abuse can cause is that it would be really hard for you to accept your condition.This article will help you overcome the pain and forget your past.
You would be developing behavioral patterns like remaining aloof, having a low self-esteem and confidence and will make you hate yourself. This is prone to depression and anxiety. The scenario of you being abused will linger in your thoughts. This is not easy because you will be carrying this burden throughout your life.
Emotional abuse can be traumatizing. You have to deal with this too. If only there is something that you can chew that would make it vanish forever! But that’s not exactly how it works. It is all about reframing your memories and re-shaping your mindset.
Here are some helpful steps to help you forget past emotional abuse:

• Acceptance is the key! You must accept the face that you have been abused. If you think that the abusive behavior is normal then it will get you nowhere.
• Stop feeling guilty and blaming everything to yourself!. You are not responsible for the abusive behavior of your partner.
• What has happened; has happened. In your life, there are bad chapters that you should try to forget.
• Be confident to yourself and realize your self worth.
• Love yourself for what you are and try to remember the kind of person you are before.

You really can’t make a conscious decision to “forget” your past because healing will come with time. Find a good counselor if you think counseling is necessary. In time you may find someone else to share your experiences with, but that’s not something you should focus on while you’re healing.

The information in your past can help you with your future. Healing emotional abuse requires patience and trust to yourself and others who can help you. If you allow positive things to happen, everything in the past will be recast in a different light.

It’s important to move on, and do what you want to do with your life, and find yourself again.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘

Do you feel like your are allways  avoiding conflicting situations?

Are you feeling pushed to accept a deal where you don’t get your needs met?

Today I want to discuss with you how to deal with conflicting situations instead of avoiding them. You are also going to learn more ways on how to deal with handling issues and find solutions in every conflict that you encounter.

What if there are more ways of dealing with conflict, besides avoiding or denying it? Use the opportunities to strengthen and deepen your relationship adding a deeper connection and more meaning?

You may think that avoiding conflict situation to keep the peace, that giving in to other’s demands will protect you from suffering.

But do you feel happy deep inside? Or you are just giving up your own needs of recognition and affection, in exchange of ‘peace’?

Here are some thoughts while dealing with conflictive situations:

• You have to be able to give in once in a while. It is fair for the both of you.
• Just agreed to avoid the silent treatment.
• It may be best to cool it off until you are a bit calmer.
• Bringing up the past make things worse.

It just seems so easy to ignore the problems or just accept them, than trying to do something about your differences. Specially when you don’t know how to approach the situation and get something positive out of it.

Over the time, by acting like that, you fall  into the habit of blindly accepting the situations, and their partner expects that that is the way you are going to react so they continue doing what they have always done. At your expenses..

It will be too late for you to save your relationship if unresolved issues tend to build up inside you.

Small differences arise between people in their everyday lives. If you decide something for your relationship, then both of you should be willing to commit to the resolution that you have made. Conflict becomes necessary at times, it can help save your marriage if done in a thoughtful manner…

Meanwhile, you can wait for your next lesson, coming to your inbox soon!

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site Positive Conflicts , And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“

How do you express your anger?

• Your get “Hotheaded” and more intensely cursing and throwing things
• You do not show anger in loud ways but you are chronically irritable and grumpy
• Or constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments

The choices above simply shows are a sign that you are lacking more constructively means express your anger. This beaviour isn’t likely to lead to many successful relationships.
Expressing anger in a controlled way is extremely difficult. Usually the tendency for most is to explode and rant on.
To some extent, you can do things that will take your mind off the anger.
But do you think walking out of the situaton a healthy way? It could be a temporary measure but it is still important to express your anger and address it properly because if not, it will pile up inside you.
Why is it important to express anger? If your anger is not allowed as an outward expression, it can turn inward—on yourself. It can create problems like getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them. Or displaying a personality that is hostile and cynical. Worst-Case scenario would be : hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Here are some ways on how to control your anger :

• By expressing you can say what your needs are, and how to get them, without hurting others.
• You can suppress your anger by converting it into a more constructive behavior or redirecting and focusing on something positive.
• You can calm down by controlling your inward and outward behavior, let the feelings subside to avoid health related problems

Remember that anger is a completely normal, human expression of emotion. It can turn into a destructive, unhealthy situation when it gets out of control.

Give yourself the opportunity to express anger in a safe way, without hurting anyone else. Try to forgive the person who wronged you.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? Visit: Positive Conflicts, And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

You may also want to check out : Anger Management On Line for your online anger management class

Do you feel unhappy eventhough you are with someone whom you are supposed to be intimate with? Do you feel that your relationship becomes stressful and hard to deal with?
There could be contributing factors in your relationship with your partner that puts you in an unhappy state. Your partner might be in a matured relationship with you but it is also possible that he has some unresolved issues that makes him hard to deal with. You partner might also never learnt how to accept and manage his anger. You must know the reason why your relationship is in a chaotic situation, if you fail to do so, chances are you will have a hard time dealing with your partner and your relationship as a whole.
In this article, you will realize if you are dealing with passive aggressive partner. This will help you understand your partner and save your relationship from being destroyed. If you are able to understand his past, you can stand up and regain your self-respect.
Here are some signs of a person who has a PA behavior:
– Acts passive but aggressively gets what he wants – Agrees up front then doesn’t do what he agreed to and make things complicated in the end – Strikes his anger indirectly – Gets out of the situation where there is confrontation and criticism over an issue – Complaining about anything and thinks deeply how his life is being cursed
A passive aggressive person are emotionally unavailable and can’t allow anybody to get very emotional close. They tend to reject emotional intensity and would find comfort by their inner isolation.
You can try to be patient and understanding but eventually, you will be confused by a barage of mixed irrrational or emotional contradictory messages. They would blame you for making them angry. As a result, you feel dismissed, ignored and rejected. You do not know how to process and react. If you are in a negative environment, your ability to decide can be affected.
Some situation does not improve because your parner tries to confuse and brainwash you. Sometimes there are behavioral patterns that you can adapt from your partner like being violent.
Do you want to be happy in a relationship?

If you answer YES, then you should understand that his reactions have nothing to do with YOU! The fact is that he would react in the same way to any one who threatens to enter into his private world. His fear is not of you, but of intimacy and yielding to emotional compromise with any woman. When conflict appears, you should know where you stand so you can decide what to do with your life.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Get your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘
before I take it off line!

Do you wonder why your strong emotion hurt your partner and destroy a good relationship?
Can you overcome your anger, instead of constantly being overcome by it? Yes- if you start changing your attitude in mind. You must stop making an excuse for your negative temper. You must put in mind that anger is your enemy!
Uncontrolled anger can be very devastating. It can reveal your true colors. Anger is a negative emotion and it shatters relationship and breeds violence.

Is It Good To “Let it Rip?”

If you are using this excuse to hurt others, what you do not know is that it escalates anger and it does not help to resolve the situation.

To solve the problem of anger you must recognize the anger within your mind. You must apply practical methods in your daily life to control your anger.

To stop your uncontrolled behavior, you must know its symptoms. You will learn how to recognize them and stop it at an early stage before it gets worse.

Here are the symptoms of uncontrolled behavior:

• Always thinking about detailed plans to commit acts of violence
• Threatening others
• Failing to acknowledge the feelings of others
• Feeling rejected
• Withdrawal from friends
• Loss of temper

So what is the best solution?

You should find out what causes your rage and when you do, develop strategies to control your anger.

You may also want to ask yourself these questions :

Is your anger important or reasonable enough?

Is it possible that you make the situation complicated?

Some ways to help you control your anger:

Anger Management can help you learn to control your reactions or get rid of the things that enrage you

• Simple relaxation tools can calm down angry feelings such as deep breathing, yoga-like   exercises, visualization of a relaxed experience
• It helps if you change your environment where you can have a fresh view of things and get away from the usual and irritating place.
• Choose less hurtful words and don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say.
• Use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Don’t use sarcastic humor because it will still escalate anger
• Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
• Anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational so always remind yourself that you’re just experiencing some hard times in your life.

Every problem has a solution. The best mentality is to focus on how to handle and face the problem.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions

PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“
You may also want to check out this online anger management class

Happiness, as we all know, come from the relationship around you.
Experience tells you that It’s not easy to build a lasting relationship. Some things happen beyond your control and you find yourself unable to handle it.
One of the hindrances in loving relationships is anger. Anger is a strong emotion. Whether you choose express it or not, it is still one thing that is going to do some damage.
What if you have ever loved someone who was angry at the world? Can you imagine what your life would be like in the years to come?
When one becomes really angry it creates a need to try to control everything. The effects of being angry is the damage done to the relationship. The effects of anger can progress from mild irritation, to yelling or maybe physical abuse.
You may argue or fight intensely and anger seems to boil in degrees.

But ask yourself:
Does this help your relationship?

Here’s some facts about anger and how it can destroy your relationship:

• - If anger comes into the surface, it creates drama and crises in the situation, and lingers long after it leaves – It is fueled with a lot of negativity that it can quickly destroy a relationship that as been positive or good for a long period of time.
• - Anger can affect self-esteem and confidence.
• Anger can affect anything especially love, self esteem and trust.
• Anger is full of uncertainty and fear, it makes you say and do things that you will regret.

Too much anger in your relationship can affect the intimacy between you and your partner.Being in a chaotic situation will make you unhappy and can cause more ill feelings that would eventually destroy your intimacy.
Trust and honesty can be destroyed by anger so easily and it wears off intimacy in your relationship. Harsh words, criticism and non-acceptance  are the causes of anger and this can affect the intimacy of your relationship.

Anger can also cause blaming and criticism where you lash out at each other’s feelings.

 Blaming and criticizing also leads to a lack of intimacy and even more conflict in the long run.

If your relationship is truly valuable and you want to protect the emotional bond you that you have invested, the two of you should accept and understand each other. Do not allow anyone of you to erupt into criticism. Find ways to discuss things in a peaceful manner.

To your happiness!
Neil Warner,

PS: To know more on Anger Management,
Visit our Site “Positive Conflicts“

Do you have the feeling that everyday conflicts are becoming harder to tolerate?

Do you perceive such situations as a battle where you need to defeat the other?

Let’s see why this idea of “winner” and “looser” is at the heart of this constant escalation of arguments…

There are some reasons to explain why you think that  “winning” over an argument will allow you to move on with the problem.

Most of the time it’s just because you have the idea that you fight for a scarce resource; and this forces you to “to win” no matter the costs.

But In order to play this type of conflict you need an “other;” someone or something to act as our opponent or obstacle, the bad one..

The battle scenario would look like this:

1. The bad one is competing with you for a scare resource.
2. As result of this situation only one of you can be a winner:
3. If you attack first, he will counter attack..
4. If he move first, you will feel compelled to react and ‘defend’ your self.
5. Whatever course of action, the only possible issue will be escalating the dispute.

Things to note here:

• Even if you want to avoid the conflict, inaction will create the conditions for the other to do the first move forcing you to react.
• Unless you step back and find another way, there can not be a real winner. 
  Even if you win over the resources, the price to pay is undermining your relationship.
• If you too afraid to take action and radically change the way you approach this confrontations, the only option left is to fight.
• This over time will result to unresolved and escalated confrontation that ends up with both sides isolated and moving in different directions.
• Failed communication leads to more isolation, pain, and anger.

Now if your repeat this scenario over and over, the value of your relationship will decrease with each round..

What do you really need to change this pattern?

Remember the real “relationship” lies beneath. It is alive and well and full of love.

Just don’t make this small ‘negotiation’ compromise your relationship.

Managing conflicts through positive techniques can help you learn more ways to resolve conflicts.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? get your Freen copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

Do you feel that confrontation is an easy way to loose someone? 
Are you somewhat skeptical of the idea of ‘positive conflicts’?
What if effectively resolving conflicts can improve your relationship?
What if a confrontation was not a message of reject, but a reach out for help and recognition?

Think about your reasons to confront someone..
When you start a confrontation,

Is it because you need some kind of confirmation or recognition?
OR
Is it because destroying your relationship or harming your partner is what you want?

My guess is that 99% of the times, you will say it’s about recognition and confirmation.

What normally happens is that once started a confrontation is not easy to control, and the results are most of the times not what we expected, unless you know exactly how to react.
Positive conflict techniques will allow you to negotiate your point while giving your partner the same recognition.

These are the things you should know about conflict:

• Conflict can be recognized at an early time, giving you a chance to control things before they get out of hand.
• Conflict is inevitable, it is a part of every relationship, and it’s needed. Without it, the relationship may stall, and die.
• Conflict can be minimized and managed once you accept it.
• If you prepare for a confrontation, you will less reason to fear it.
• There are strategies for resolution that are available and DO work.
• You can always determine what needs change in your relationship.

Some people think that conflicts and confrontations are to be avoided at all costs. 
As a resultThey are always blocked by their own limitations, reaching the same dead ends.

But how can you void this trap?

If you see that each conflict is an opportunity to get you two closer, if confrontations can be used to strengthen the foundation of your relationship, then there is no need to fear losing your loved ones. Think that any confrontation can be seen as an opportunity to build something more solid, like building a breach between your needs and his or her needs..

Neil Warner
PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site and get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts“

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time, you may loose your ‘inner compass’ and can become convinced that you are not worthy of love and respect.

Try to honestly answer this questions to yourself:

• Is your ultimate fear to be left alone, without no one to love you?
• Do you sacrifice your own wishes, just to please your partner?
• If your partner abuses you, do you become submissive?
• Do you felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid arguments?

If you are in a relationship wherein emotional abuse happens everyday, the effects are dangerous than any form of abuse because it can be frequent. The effects of emotional abuse can be subtle, it makes you feel that you are the problem in the relationship even if you are not. It makes you doubt your self-worth and erodes your self-esteem.

Here are the negative effects of long-term emotional abuse:

• Low self-esteem
• Emotional Stress
• Health Problems
• Depression
• Isolation
• Alcohol or drug use

You may seem introverted, quiet, or may appear confident and extrovert, which is an act to fool the outside world so that you can hide the humiliation you are experiencing. You are resistant to seek help from others and decided to deal with it on your own. But ongoing contact can drag you back in the abusive situation again and again.

So if your partner is unwilling to seek help or knowledge, you must try to do something about it.
The recovery process is long and painful. In the end, you may decide to hurt yourself, it may influence your mentality. It may result to suicide when dealing with a long-term emotional abuse. You would feel unlovable and unworthy.

If only you would seek proper counseling, this chain of suffering could be stopped once and for all.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship‘