Survive Your Breakup

Posts Tagged ‘survive infidelity’

Surviving infidelity, is it possible? There is perhaps no bigger emotional challenge you will face either as a couple of as an individual in all your life.There are no quick fixes, no immediate remedies: each situation is somewhat different. Every situation is different.There are genral patterns of behavior to be on the lookout for that can shape the route of your recovery. Know at the start: it is a time-consuming process. You are, in essence, entering a period of intense personal introspection, attempting to find out what went wrong and what it is that you now want.

If it is your goal to survive as couple, it is important that both of you are now on the same page and willing to make the necessary sacrifices. It means the spouse or partner who cheated has to honor their word that the affair is over, and there is a new commitment to the relationship. It also means the partner/spouse that was cheated on makes a commitment to attempt to control the overwhelming emotions they are experiencing and figure out a new way to walk together.

The truth of what has transpired has to be told honestly, no matter how unpleasant or painful it is. All the specific details have to be put on the table and open for discussion. This can be quite painful for both parties. The cheated upon spouse or partner will want to know: when? with whom? how frequently? where? who all knew? And, last but not least, why? This can be an excruciating process, but the honesty is important. That is the first step on the road to rebuilding trust.

Next, a sincere regret should be conveyed by the cheating partner. Attention need to be paid on their anguish and to the disruption to their life. The remorse can be conveyed both verball and non-verbally as well. There is no magic wand here. If the remorse is true, the sincerity of it will be communicated. If there isn’t any remorse, it could easily be the death-nil to any couple facing these regrettable set of circumstances.

There will need to be some limits and boundaries in place when you want to survive infidelity. The spouse or partner that was cheated upon my demand a new set of rules that seem rigid. For a time, those need to be allowed. Times and places may be checked. Remember, the bonds of trust have shattered and being re-built. All the old rules no longer apply.

Create some individual space between the two of you. And, it doesn’t matter if it was the wife caught cheating, or if it was the husband. It may be best for you both to process the pain individually, and not as a couple, and come together later. You both may want to sleep alone for the time being. This doesn’t mean the affection stops. It doesn’t. This is true especially for the cheating partner.

And, finally, give yourself the freedom to choose whether or not to stay or to go. Do not feel bound by duty to stay. It is a choice. That freedom alone may be what saves your relationship.

The act of betrayal can be the cause of a tumultuous activity inside a person’s state of being. Resentment and anger can easily become the cornerstone’s of one’s life, leading to hatred and a lingering bitterness, not only for the offending partner, but for the total of life. To survive infidelity takes a level of being that we are not used to using. We are faced with the overwhelming challenge of self-examination.

This can all be especially painful. But, when we do re-emerge from the sting of betrayal it is possible to be the better for it, with a new appreciation for every component of our lives. That includes the cheating partner and our committed relationship. We can learn how to trust again. Anything is possible.

The road to recovery is a long process. Don’t look for this to happen over night. When faced with the act of cheating, usually the initial decision we make is, “That is it. I’m finished.” Pride is crushed. A tremendous hurt is inflicted. A trust has been crushed.

But, given a little time couples are then faced with making the decision that will completely alter their lives.Not a decision to be made hastily. We come face to face with just how much our partner/spouse and that union means to us. Just how much pain are we willing to endure to keep it alive? The answers to these questions can add a dimension to our lives and being be did not know was possible beforehand. The most crucial key is give all this enough time.

We are a like a miner in a dark shaft trying to discover a way out and if there’s any hidden treasure along the way. Danger lurks at every turn. We do not know if there is way out. There is a call for your our total attention. Something we are not used to giving to anything, ever. Our being will never be the same again. Our lives can never be the same again. Something new is being born, one way or the other. And, birth is always painful.

If you find yourself in this dark remote place of surviving infidelity, I would recommend something drastic. Quit googling for answers online. Put away all the books you have gathered on the subject. Quick listening to family and friends. When everything has been put away, turn inward to yourself and to your partner and begin to ask the uncomfortable questions.

There is really no one now that can save you or your old relationship. Do not rely on someone else’s experience to answer the call of your life. When everything has been put on the shelf, and you begin to ask the right questions, you then have a chance to contact a level of being which is fully capable of giving you the answers you seek. Quite possibly, they may not be the answers for which you hoped. They may not be the answers we hoped to find.

A betrayal has taken place. There is something dramatically wrong that demands our total attention. Perhaps it could be that in this challenge we will discover what is beneath the heart of love and behind the mask of self. It is the journey of a thousand miles, walked on a razor’s edge. Only a few see it all the way through. Only a few arrive. The pain and the anguish give us a ticket to ride.