Posts Tagged ‘Surviving An Affair’
The Relationship, The Affair, And The Survival
Many people aren’t committed one way or the other to ending their relationship over an affair. While a cheating partner is terribly destructive to the relationship, the psychology of cheating leads one to believe that if you’re willing to put up with it that you are somehow condoning it. This may or may not feel true to you.
You know who she is. She’s the one with the office fashion jewelry that looks as stunning as she does. She is the one that flirts with everyone, regardless of their gender or age, and has the reputation that she got her position through these heavy flirtations, and possibly more. Your partner has become enchanted by her, and you’re stuck at home trying to figure it all out.
Depression is easy to slip into when you find out your partner is having an affair. An extreme depression can mean that you simply stop trying to attract positive attention from your cheating partner. Things like doing your hair, taking the time to apply make up, winter time dry skin care, facial care, and even keeping up with the laundry can be overwhelming. It can seem like putting any effort forward can be considered a huge waste of time.
Of course the kids are confused. They seem to be down to one parent. The baby has no bond with his second parent. You take care of the kids, from bath time to bed time to everything in between. With the double electric breast pump sitting off to the side, you’re reminded that you had intended on sharing as much of the nursing experience as possible with your partner. But that is no more.
What do you do? Do you keep the relationship together in hopes that the affair will eventually disintegrate? Do you start preparing for life on your own? Is there any point to confronting your partner and forcing their hand in order to get him or her to choose? You have to keep moving, but when you don’t know what direction you’re moving in life can get very scary.
There can be a strong sense that someone took your feeling of control away from you. If you and your partner set rules in the beginning that basically stated that cheating would end the relationship, the act itself could force your hand. Reclaiming your right to make a decision based on what you actually want might mean breaking the earlier agreed upon consequences.
It’s your decision. Your choices from here will most likely shape the rest of your life. It can be very difficult to maintain any real decision without gathering all of the facts. Yet the one thing that can keep you empowered is finding the resources to walk away. Knowing that choosing to stay or choosing to go is actually a choice can give you more strength than you know.
Surviving an Affair.How Do You Cope With Infidelity
Its never easy discovering that your partner has cheated but you are intent on surviving an affair. So, the cheater may be back but how do you cope after an affair? Can you go on? Here are some tips to consider when you want to get on after an affair.
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Firstly try and figure out what has happened and why it has happened.Pain and upset will be common to you both.They will need to know just how much hurt they have caused you and you have to understand what it must have taken them to come clean and accept blame. There will be pain and humiliation in equal measure.
Talk and talk again. Talk until you are spent.There will be a desire to know why it happened. You need to explain how you feel about it, the anguish it has caused and how you plan to move forward. Surviving an affair will take much effort and consultation.
As much as you want to talk, you also have to listen. Listening to the reasons for an affair, you have to consider that there will be some things that are unspoken. Affairs don’t just happen. Infidelity is often just the symptom of many underlying problems, it is seldom the only cause.
You will need time to collect your thoughts. Being hasty in the early stages is not to be recommended. Both parties need to give the other time to come to terms with the situation.
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If both of you want to give the relationship another chance then you have to work together.There might have to be an acceptance of some of the responsibilty for your part in all of this, its seldom one sided. If you are prepared to forgive you will have to also be prepared to forget.You can not expected to move on straight away but in order to get beyond the affair,you will have to be strong enough to let it go. Accept that referring to the affair time and time again will only cause the relationship to slowly melt and ultimately may cause it to fail.
Surviving an affair will test your relationship to the limits. Chaos will reign supreme at least in the short term. The sense of betrayal and the associated fury can cause short term insanity and can often create an atmosphere in which reconciliation is unlikely. You will have to accept that the early times after the affair are probably not going to be the easiest times to make up and get back together. Time will be needed by both parties to assess the situation.
Surviving an affair will demand responsibility and perserverance.Often when a couple look back after an affair, they can find that it has made the relationship stronger but in the short term you need to work on restoring your faith in your partner or spouse and they have to demonstrate that they can be trusted