Tips on Second Marriage Divorce
If you’ve already been through a divorce before, you’ve probably vowed that you never want to have to experience that again. Divorce is usually described as one of the worst experiences a person has ever been through. To avoid a second marriage divorce, you must know how?
It’s important to realize that this marriage isn’t the same as your first. Far too often we use past relationships and experiences to compare with current situations. However, in the case of marriage and divorce (unless you’re married to the same person for a second time) you need to realize this is a new person and completely new situation.
No matter how similar the circumstances may seem, with different people involved, there are different emotions taking place. Never compare your current spouse with your past spouse and avoid comparing your current marriage to your old marriage that didn’t work out. You shouldn’t say things like, “You’re acting like my ex”.
Of course you shouldn’t ignore problems in your relationship or hope that they will just somehow resolve themselves. verbal disagreements are sometimes needed to help you work out a problem. However, there is a difference between a disagreement and a quarrel. When a verbal argument turns into a quarrel, it stops being about the problem and how to resolve it and becomes about the person.
This is when name-calling and other destructive jabs and criticism will come in. None of this is helpful to the marriage or the current problem. To avoid second marriage divorce, you need to avoid letting disagreements turn into quarrels.
It’s also important to be cautious of criticism. It comes in different forms. Sometimes in marriage it comes in the form of jabs, jokes or other fleeting comments. You can undo 20 acts of kindness with one bad word or act of criticism.
When your partner feels you are insulting them, judging them or hurting them in some way, it will stand in the way of any good you try to do for the relationship. Your compliments or signs of affection will go unnoticed because she’s still hurt by the cruel comments you made or the jab you tried to hide in humor last week. It’s essential you be careful of what you say because you can never take back a spoken word.
You need to avoid comparing the two if you want to learn from the first marriage and divorce. How have you grown and matured since your first marriage? What mistakes did you make that you wish you could do over? What have you learned through being married before that can help you now in this marriage?
It’s true that they say “live and learn” and if you’ve already been married before, and divorced before, you should have learned some things that can help you do better this second time around. Of course, it doesn’t make you an expert just because you’ve been there before. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to seek tools to help you avoid second marriage divorce.
